#enough about how bad i think it is. you are a horrible gay vampire named cyrus [no name dropping] which is an oc ive had for years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

delightfully-deranged-dagur · 4 years ago

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Okay, I'm just gonna write out my main ideas for my Reimagined Monster High. Here we go.

-it takes place in a world where monsters are outnumbered and shunned by humans, so monsters are forced to basically live in secret. Away from humans, in their own secret communities.

-The school itself was founded by Nora Bloodgood. Monster High was the first school of its kind to accept all kinds of monsters and has been running for hundreds of years. Also, it's a boarding school.

-The story will be mostly character driven with the main players being,

-Toralei Stripe. A werecat.

An orphan adopted by Headmistress Bloodgood. Toralei made friends with twin sisters Meowlody and Purrsephone Moon. Unfortunately, the 3 of them became the biggest bullies in the school. Though the twins were much more worse then Toralei. The twins were send to juvy after "the freezer incident".

"The freezer incident", Without Toralei's knowledge, the twins played their most dangerous prank of all. They locked Deuce Gorgon, a cold blooded monster into the school freezer, resulting in him almost freezing to death.

After that, Toralei took a long, hard look in the mirror and decided to change. Trying to redeem herself. So far most students are still untrusting of her. But 2 of them have forgiven her and became her friends, those 2 being...

-Clawdeen Wolf and Draculaura. A werewolf and vampire couple.

Clawdeen is a fashion designer with quite a following. Monsters love her designs and she's gotten quite a lot of commissions.

She always speaks her mind and has an extreme dislike for lies and liars. She's also fiercely loyal and protective of her friends and family, especially her younger siblings, Clawd and Howleen.

Draculaura is vegetarian vampire, no meat or blood for her. Unfortunately, due to her diet she's also extremely vulnerable to direct sunlight and always carries a parasol or umbrella with her.

Draculaura is one of, if not the most kind person in the school. And yet, there's some hints she's got a dark past. She's 1599 years old, so of course she has some secrets she doesn't want anyone to know about.

-Frankie Stein. One of the 3 new students at the beginning of the story.

Frankie is only a month old and still doesn't quite understand how the world works. She only knows stuff from outdated teen girl magazines. So, yeah. She knows nothing.

Frankie is assigned as Toralei's new roommate. Which means Toralei is half the time busy with making sure Frankie doesn't piss off the entire student body with her antics. Luckily she's helped by Clawdeen and Draculaura.

The 3 of them become Frankie's guides to life. With varying degrees of success.

-Gil Webber. The 2nd of 3 new students at school.

Gil was raised by highly abusive and bigoted parents. Constantly talking about how dangerous and despicable other monsters are. They sheltered Gil never letting him outside or go to the surface. Gil grew up terrified of the world.

Eventually, word got out about Gil's situation and the authorities got involved. Gil's parents were arrested and Gil was taken to Monster High and put in the care of Nora Bloodgood.

Gil is assigned as the new roommate of...

-Deuce Gorgon. Half gorgon, half human.

Deuce has lived for thousands of years since ancient Greece. Son of medusa and inherited her stone gaze. If he looks someone in the eye, they turn to stone. Luckily, since Deuce is half human the gaze is only temporary. And it doesn't work on monsters made out of stone or the undead. Like ghosts, zombies and mummies.

Deuce is a nervous wreck. Freezer trauma notwithstanding, he's constantly worried about dropping his sunglasses and turning someone to stone. He's also insecure about his skills as a chef and artist. He tries to look cool and laid back but he's not fooling anyone.

The snakes on his head are named, Jefferson, Addison, Carson, Maddison and Ed. He treats them as younger siblings even though they're all the same age.

Deuce has some trouble helping Gil not being afraid of everything. So he finds help from other water monsters. Sirena Von Boo? Too ditzy. Finnegan Wake? Comes on too strong. So his only choice is...

-Lagoona Blue. Half Sea monster, Half Water nymph.

Lagoona is bubbly, kind, carefree and very much a Himbo. She's genderfluid so they go by any pronouns he feels like at the moment.

They have 2 passions. Sports. And helping people out. And Gil is just the person that desperately needs Lagoona's help.

-Cleo De Nile. A mummy.

A princess who disowned her family because of how horrible they were. Cleo's lived long enough to know that being bad doesn't get you anywhere.

She's kind, understanding, and extremely generous. She's a natural born leader who takes charge when needed.

-Billy Where. An invisible man.

Billy, or "Invisi-Billy" as some call him is a theater kid at heart. Aside from that Billy also loves discovering the unknown and mysterious.

While his father is invisible all the time, Billy can control his visibility at will. He can even make other objects or people he's touching invisible.

Billy was assigned a new dorm room by Headmistress Bloodgood. A room down in the catacombs. He was put there cuz Bloodgood believes he can help the student living down there with his problems. That student being...

-Johnny Spirit. An unchained ghost.

Johnny died during the late 50s and he's got the greaser look down pat.

Johnny refuses to leave the catacombs and interact with other students, he does not wanna get involved or get attached to anyone. So he does not like having a roommate forced upon him.

And yet, as time goes on Johnny starts caring for Billy and thinking of him as a friend. Eventually trusting him enough to tell him the reason why he shut himself off. The story of how he died.

But that's a story for another time. ;P

Other important characters include,

Abbey Bominable. 3rd new student. She's blunt and likes photography. She has no roommate but gets taken in by,

Clawd Wolf and Heath Burns. Boyfriends that guide Abbey through the school and drag her into their shenanigans and schemes.

Ghoulia Yelps. Cleo's best friend and assistant. Genius.

Jackson Jekyll and Holt Hyde. Mad scientist and laid back DJ sharing a body.

Neightan Rot. Gay zombicorn. Can go from dishevelled hobo to fabulous drag queen in 10 seconds.

Spectra Vondergeist. Ghost "reporter" that runs the ghostly gossip.

And many more students.

So that's my basic idea. What do you think?

Feel free to leave questions about other students and their roles and what kind of plans I have for this au.

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adhdeancas · 4 years ago

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Dean Winchester (and the script leaks last night) possessed me to write this.

Dean happens upon Chuck's latest book: Carry On. Except it ends differently than it really went, and the ending? It's really fucking bad.

tw: suicide mention, transphobia (quickly shut the fuck down)

Dean doesn’t make a habit of going to bookstores. Not because he hates books, contrary to what Sam might think; he just prefers to buy used books. There’s something comforting about a book that has already been worn and read over and over, that already shows how much the previous owner loved it. Plus, y’know, big corporations are evil and all that. And Dean only allows himself to overlook that when his stomach or his wallet wins over his hatred of the shitty mass-produced products.

This time it was Jack who won; he’s obsessed with this new fantasy series and the new book just came out, so there’s no way he can hunt it down on Ebay. He makes his way to the fantasy and sci-fi section, eyes roaming over the displays of new releases, and his eye catches on something that turns his blood cold.

“Supernatural: Carry On, The Final Book of the Winchesters’ Epic Journey” takes up a whole table, the generic and overly serious cover jeering out at him.

He storms over to the display, anger covering up for the way his body feels light as a feather and like lead all at once, and picks up a book. “Why is Sam always fucking shirtless?” he mutters, the only thought that allows itself from the mess inside his head to his mouth.

“Book sales.” A voice behind him says. He turns to see a teenager with their arms crossed over their work polo, pierced lip fixed into a customer-unfriendly frown.

“People want to see that?”

They snort, a small grin turning up the corner of their lips. It reminds Dean of Cas. “No. But that’s what advertisers think all ‘women’ want,” They use air quotes.

He raises an eyebrow and asks. “Women?”

They shrug and uncross their arms, leaning back against the display table behind them. Their nametag says Jadyn. “Supernatural’s biggest block of readers is queer. I’d go out on a limb and say a lot of those the marketers think of as ‘women’ aren’t, or if they are, they aren’t itching to see Sam’s six pack.” Jadyn smirks.

Dean takes a second to digest that, then grins down at the book, thinking past Sam’s apparently badly-received nudity now. “So how’d they like it?” he asks, waving the book a bit and looking up at Jadyn. Apparently they know a lot about the fans of the books, and for once, he’s proud of the way the story ended.

Jadyn’s face sets into all hard lines. “Most people fucking hated it.” they say bluntly, then, probably remembering that he’s a customer, correct. “Sorry. I mean, it got some good reviews, mostly from people who like Wincest, but beyond that, it had some problematic plot points.”

Dean winces at the reminder of the ship between him and his brother, then scrunches his whole face together in confusion. “Wait, what? Why?” Why would Wincest fans like it? What was problematic about their end?

Jadyn shifts from foot to foot. “I don’t wanna spoil anything for you-”

“I don’t care about spoilers, just give me the short version.” Dean says quickly. A quiet panic is rising in him, and suddenly he has a horrible feeling that he’s not holding the truth in his hands anymore.

“Uh, okay… Well, the most obvious thing is the bury-your-gays thing, then there’s the fact that it completely contradicted the rest of the lore. And it was ableist, misogynistic, and messed up, like, every character’s arc.” they take a breath, clearly worked up by it. “Even if they changed any of the details too, it was all built on Dean’s death, and that’s just bullshit. Sorry.” they apologize again, apparently mistaking Dean’s stricken expression to be in reaction to their rant and swearing.

“No, nah, you’re… you’re okay. Uh, thanks.” he waves a hand and wanders away from them, only remembering Jack’s book when he’s almost to the register. He manages to make his way back and find the damn thing, but he’s still in a fog when he gets to the register.

“Did anyone help you in the store today?”

“Huh?” he looks up and meets the middle-aged cashier’s gaze for the first time. Brent, from the nametag, looks at him impatiently. “Oh, yeah, uh… Jadyn. Jadyn helped me.” Brent scoffs and starts typing with a shake of the head. “Uh, is there a problem?” Dean asks, a little annoyed at this cashier’s unnecessary attitude. He usually doesn’t care if an employee’s rude, because they have to deal with assholes all the time and honestly Dean isn’t much better, but this one gives him a bad feeling.

“No, no, sorry. It’s just - “Jadyn’s” got this idea that he’s a girl. Makes everybody call him that name now too. Just-” Brent shakes his head. “I mean, you get it. Their generation, everybody wants to be special.”

Dean glares. “No, I don’t get it, Brent.” He says through gritted teeth. “Seems to me like Jadyn probably deals with enough assholes like you that her asking for a little basic decency is the exact opposite of special. Sounds pretty normal, actually.” He can see the fear creep into Brent’s eyes, and he knows the cashier is reacting to the murderous look in his eyes more than his actual words.

Brent hands Dean his bag of books with a quiet, “Here you go.”

Dean snatches it away. “Oh, Brent?” he checks over his shoulder to make sure they’re alone and then leans across the counter into Brent’s space. “You should find a new job, one where you don’t have to interact with other people. At least until you learn how to stop being a piece of shit.” He starts to ease away but thinks better about it. “And if you think that’s a suggestion, it’s not. My husband likes this book coming out next month that I’ll need to buy, and if I see you here when I come, well… it would be really embarrassing for you to tell all your little friends that you got your ass beat by a ‘special’ guy, huh?” He pats Brent on the cheek condescendingly and leaves with a huff.

Damn transphobes.

He only remembers the book once he’s back in Baby, and he takes the time to drive out of town before he pulls over to read it. It’s an old abandoned church, the cross long since fallen from the roof and the doors hanging off their hinges. He sits on the steps just because being in Baby seems claustrophobic for once in his life, and going back to the bunker to look at this is just… not happening.

Dean only skims the beginning to see that it starts the same. The ground erupting with bodies, hell spitting out its most-conveniently placed nasties, Rowena sacrificing herself, Cas leaving. His throat closes up at that, at Chuck’s description of Cas’s heartbroken expression as he climbs the stairs of the bunker. He clears his throat and skips to the end, right past Cas’s death that he doesn’t have the time to think about right now, past them defeating Chuck and then stops. He goes back a few pages, trying to find the disconnect.

The story’s different.

After Jack takes on God’s power, in the book, he’s totally fine. Not almost vibrating out of his skin or anything, not crying like the three year old he is because he’s scared. Not like it really happened. He just smiles and leaves him and Sam, and they let him go.

Dean scoffs, skimming over the story as it just gets more ridiculous.

In the book, he doesn’t even try to save Cas. They barely even mention him. And they never mention Eileen, either. In fact, Dean notes disbelievingly, practically the only characters in the last few chapters are him and Sam. They’re hunting again.

“What, is Chuck trying to keep the series going?” he whispers to himself, anger flaring through him. They let Chuck live, and he decided to write obnoxious fanfiction about them? He’s gonna kill that shameless little fucker. For real, this time. He deserves it.

In the book, Sam and Dean torture some vampire mime, and they enjoy it. Dean cringes; this is really what Chuck thinks of them. Then they tussle with more vamps in a barn and-

Dean’s brain stops working. He rereads the scene again and again.

“There’s something in my… something in my back. It feels like it’s right through me.”

Dean Winchester dies in a dirty barn, on a piece of freaking rebar.

More than that, Dean realizes on his fourth read-through. This Dean? He tried to drag out his speech, Dean can tell by the way he pauses for fucking drama. He would never do that. He would never talk to Sam for fifteen hellish minutes when he could be trying. Trying to live, so he can actually get his life back on track, get his family back. No, he made that speech stalling. He made that speech so Sam wouldn’t try to save him.

“You gotta admit, I had one helluva ride.” He was strangely calm.

Chuck made him kill himself.

Dean reads the rest of the book through blurry eyes, reading an ambiguous and nothing-ending, one where he’s somehow happy to be dead and driving around in heaven alone while Sam raises a kid into hunting and cries about Dean decades after he’s died. Eileen isn’t mentioned. Cas is mentioned once, and Bizzarro-Dean doesn’t even think about seeing him, apparently. The whole book ends with a hug between him and Sam, both dead. Both alone.

Dean rips the ending up. He tears through the stupid paper covering and keeps ripping the pages up until they’re the size of confetti. His lower lip wobbles. He throws the whole thing against the side of the building, and it tumbles through the broken doorway and drops into a pile of dust and dirt. “That isn’t the fucking ending.” he grounds out, knocking his hand against the flimsy handrail. It gives a little under his fist and he kicks at it. “That isn’t the fucking ending!”

He’s having a panic attack. Again. He tries to take deep breaths, but they’re gulping, too big, they’re making him panic more. He scrambles back to Baby and grabs his phone, presses the first number on his favorites list and waits for him to answer on speaker phone.

“Hey Dean, what’s up?” Sam sounds like he’s been laughing. There are voices in the background, and Dean tries to convince himself one of them is Eileen.

“Hey Sammy.” he chokes out, trying to sound normal. “You busy?”

There’s a pause, and then the sounds in the background. “Nah, Rowena’s just over.” he says casually.

“So those voices in the background were-”

“Rowena and Eileen, yeah. They’re trying to convince me we need to go to Mexico. For the beaches.” A smile in his voice. Dean lets out a sigh of relief. What’s up, Dean? You need something?” The smile drops, and Sam’s worried.

Sam’s okay. Sam’s okay. “No, nah. Hey, you heard from Donna lately?” Dean just needs to triple-check.

“Uh, no, not since Sunday dinner… Dean, you okay?”

“Yeah, she just- she hasn’t been answering my texts. Just wanted to make sure.” Dean lies quickly. His breathing is still uneven, but his body is settling into uneven shakes.

Sam sounds skeptical. “Yeah, well, she did tell us it’s been pretty busy at work lately. Y’know, everybody going out for the first time with COVID, getting stupid. Plus, y’know, nowhere’s drowning in EMTs right now.”

“Right. Yeah.” Dean takes a deep breath, a distant memory of Donna talking about that coming back to him.

“Pretty sure you were setting up a D&D session with Charlie while she was talking about that,” Sam laughs. Dean knows he means it as a subtle jab, but there’s too much relief flooding through him to care. Still, a string is pulled taut in him, and Sam can’t fix that completely.

“Gotta go, Sam,” Dean hangs up before Sam can say anything else, and goes to his next contact. It rings for far too long, and Dean’s heartbeat picks back up to thundering.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas,” Dean breathes out. “Cas, you know I love you, right?” He needs to test all the bounds of this, to make sure, just to make sure. Make sure Chuck isn’t still fucking with him. Because apparently, Chuck won’t let him be queer. Not in his story. Not out loud.

He can hear Cas’s eyebrow raise through the phone, and his chest is overcome with stupid fondness. “I would be a little worried if you didn’t.”

Dean grins widely. “Like, romantically. I’m in love with you. Because you’re the love of my life and I’m bisexual.” He says it all like it’s a checklist, like he expects some cosmic being to slap a hand over his mouth before he gets each next phrase out.

“Yes, Dean. We’ve been married almost two months.” Cas is smiling. It happens everytime he talks about their wedding. Dean adores it. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, now it is.” His whole body relaxes, still vibrating with leftover panic, but satisfied. “I got Jack’s book.”

“Oh, good. He’ll be so pleased.” Cas pauses. “Dean, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Dean eases off the ground and sends a last look at the dilapidated church before climbing into Baby. “Just- read a bad book. I’ll tell you about it later. When I get home.”

#i fixed it #god fucking damn it #dean winchester #destiel #saileen #saileena #sam winchester #castiel #eileen leahy #castiel winchester #jack kline #roweena #my writing #ficlet #deancas #trans dean #trans woman OC #tw: transphobia #tw: suicide mention

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mycatshuman · 4 years ago

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Fright Night But Make it Gay

Chapter 2 : Human Is Too Pretty It's Illegal

First/Previous | Next | More

Pairings: Prinxiety, Intrological, Moceit

Warnings: panic attacks, let me know if I missed any

🎃🕸👻💀🕷🎃🕸👻💀🕷🎃🕸👻💀🕷🎃🕸👻

Virgil had existed for a long time. Existed. Not lived. He wasn't alive. But he also wasn't necessarily dead either. He just kind of was. And his being had been in existence for a while. So there really wasn't a lot that surprised him anymore. He had been all around the world. More than twice. He had experienced nearly everything the world had to offer. It's cultures, environments, it's people. He had a few lovers and acquaintances here and there, but for the most part, he was alone. All on his own.

Along with being not quite dead or alive, Virgil was also immortal. Humans called what he was many things, the most simple definition was a vampire. Because of this, he had to move often to keep suspicion off of him. He didn't want any unwanted attention. He just wasn't that kind of person.

Luckily, as the world progressed into the 21st Century and touch screen phones came into existence, people became more eqngrossed in their phones and less and less concerned themselves with the business of their neighbors. It made it a lot easier for Virgil to live in a place without people noticing his lack of aging. Of course there was the occasional Karen who couldn't learn how to mind their own business but for the most part, Virgil was able to live comfortably in one place for more than five years. Lessing moving was good for him. He wasn't all too comfortable with things changing all the time.

As of late, existence for Virgil had become kind of boring. Things didn't really cchange.it was too much of the same things day in and day out. Sure there were small differences from day to day but things had become kind of dull. He had been alone for a while, deciding to take a break from people and isolate himself for a few years on top of a mountain. But now, Virgil actually found himself missing a little adventure. Interacting with people online was nice but sometimes he craved a cuddle. Was that too much to ask?

So, he decided it was time to enter the physical human world again. Virgil could never have guessed that the adventure he was so craving would come in the form of a hot as hell theater human living next door to his newest house.

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Virgil randomly picked an area on the globe for him to move to before picking another random area on a map of that area. He repeated these steps until he had a nice little college town. After that, he worked on renting some storage and a hotel room in the town until he was able to find a suitable home in the market. He almost considered going through college again until deciding it was not for him. He was only just starting to fully immerse himself on the public again, he needed time to readjust. Maybe in a year or so he would be ready.

Surprisingly, it didn't take Virgil long to find a suitable house that he could move into. It was a nice old Victorian house. And it was relatively close to the college so if he did ultimately decide that he would go in for another degree, it wouldn't be a long commute for him. He quickly purchased the house and set up a date for the move.

Virgil moved into his new home on a stormy weekend in early September. It was in a relatively small neighborhood near the college he had been looking at. He had played for a moving company to move his things from the storage unit he had rented and into his new house. He did feel a little bad for making the movers work in rain for the better part of the day but he knew that if he moved on a sunny day, he would forget to reapply sunscreen every hour and he didn't know how to explain to people he was supervising that he was a vampire and burned easily. He also wasn't really in the mood to get a severe sunburn anytime soon. But he had paid them fairly well and bought them pizza for their drive, so he only hoped that made up for moving things in the rain.

As they drove away, he was able to truly appreciate his new home. I think I'm going to like it here.

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It had only been a few days since he moved into his home. Unlike normal people, he didn't spend any time unpacking anything aside from the essentials. He just sat. Moving took a lot out of him. Even if he wasn't the one moving everything, it still took its toll on him. Talking to strangers, having them move his things, the anxiety with just that alone would wear out his social battery for a day. But the worst part of the entire moving process was the adjustment. Virgil had to take two whole days just getting used to the noises and movements of his new home and neighbors. He had to actively adjust to the new environment otherwise he would be woken up because of some noise that scared the hell out of him and threw him into a panic attack only to find out that it was just somebody opening their mailbox or something. (Virgil had learned his lesson from the last time it happened.)

But by the end of the first two days, Virgil was comfortable enough to begin unpacking and organizing. And by the time a week had passed, Virgil could say he had settled into the environment nicely. He was comfortable and things seemed to be going well, no one had come to bother him. There wasn't a mob outside gunning for his head. Things were good.

Then it happened.

Virgil was just bringing in some blood bags from the vamp market, minding his own business when he suddenly heard someone screaming about a vampire next door. Immediately, Virgil dropped his cargo and slammed his backdoor shut before pushing himself flat against the wall. He froze in fear as he heard the yelling again. It sounded from behind him. Oh my Selene! Did they see me?!?! Did they see the bags?!?! Are they coming for me?! No! No! No!

Whoever had yelled, however, did not come banging on his door with a torch and pitchfork. Virgil listened intently and picked up on faint, tired sounding voices as someone told whoever had yelled that it was just a dream and to go to sleep.

Virgil let out a sigh. He wasn't completely in the clear. He still didn't know if they actually saw him or not. But he also wasn't in immediate danger either. He leaned down slowly to pick up his box of blood bags so he could put them away. He would be on high alert for the next month. At least until he was sure that it was indeed just a dream. Although, he had to recognize that the supposed dream was oddly specific. He couldn't just blame it on coincidence. That could cost him greatly.

He also couldn't help but wonder how his neighbor would react if they found out he was an actual vampire. The thought terrified him. Images of horrible deaths that could be inflicted on him flashed rapidly through his head. If only he knew how opposite the reaction would be to what his anxiety riddled brain told him would happen.

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The next morning, Virgil went about his business while keeping an ear on his neighbors house. He faintly heard them talking about vampires again. Most of them didn't believe the other guy. (Thankfully) But then Virgil heard the guy say that the vampire was going to bite him and then they were going to get married. Virgil froze. What the fuck?

Virgil got lost in his thoughts after that only to startled out of it when he heard a knock at the door. Virgil frowned and moved to the door and peeked out only to nearly have a heart attack. Oh no! He's hot! Slowly, he worked up an ounce of courage and opened the door. "Yes?" He asked quietly.

"Um, Hello. I'm Roman Belmonte and I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood with some homemade cookies."

Virgil eyed Roman suspiciously. "Mm." Roman learned forward a little and Virgil shrunk back a little.

"Oh, who am I kidding," Roman exclaimed. "These aren't homemade cookies, they're just store-bought." A chuckle. "I was just trying to impress you, I caught a glimpse of you when you moved in and well, what can i say, you're gorgeous." And then he had the audacity to flash Virgil a flirtatious smile.

On the inside, Virgil was shouting "No! Stop! I'm already gay!" But on the outside, Virgil somehow kept his composure. He snorted. "I don't know, I mean you're hot as hell but then I found out that you didn't even make me homemade cookies and I don't know if I'm willing to date a guy who won't even put in the effort to make homemade cookies. What, are your kisses gonna be store bought too?" Virgil opened the door more and motioned for Roman to come in.

Roman's jaw dropped. Score one for Virgil! Then he licked his lips. "A date? I don't remember mentioning anything about a date...but if you're offering."

Screw you and your handsome face! Virgil snorted. "Princey, Princey, Princey, so naive," He said, in an effort to keep his composure. "You're going to have to do more than flirt with me to get a date with me."

Roman raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"

Virgil grinned. "Sure, pretty boy."

"Be prepared to go on a date with me," Roman said with a grin. Virgil rolled his eyes as Roman handed him the cookies. "I know they're just store bought but they're still good."

Virgil watched as the other turned to leave and frowned. "Wait." He waited until Roman was facing him again. "You don't even want to know my name?" He asked. "That's going into the cons." He was only teasing. And the flush that spread across Roman's face was worth it.

"I-well-uh, what's your name?"

Virgil smirked. "Virgil. Good luck in that challenge, Princey." He watched Roman leave with a smirk before closing the door and burying his face in the cookies and let out a high pitched squeal. "Oh my Selene! How did I do that?!?!?"

Virgil leaned back and slid down the back of his front door. He sighed somewhat dreamily. "I have never, in all my years upon this earth, been flirted with like that." Virgil stared at the boxes scattered around the foyer. "Wow," he breathed. Long had he forgotten about the fact that his next door neighbor suspected he was a vampire. He was too busy in his gay panic. He had been flirted with. It was going to take him a bit to recover from that being the gay mess that he is. Little did he know the other was in the same boat.

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Virgil stared at his phone in utter horror. "What…Roman are you there?" He already knew he wasn't. He had heard the line go dead. What's going on? What is Roman's family doing? It took Virgil a few more seconds for things to fully register. What if they had found out what Virgil was!?!? Virgil jumped up and quickly tried to figure out where Roman was. As soon as he figured out, he was out the door.

Only to come back in and get his car keys. It was daylight out and he couldn't very well run without risking getting spotted. Plus, he was too worried about his boyfriend to put sunscreen on. Virgil quickly climbed into his car, a nice '67 Chevy Impala, and started the engine and set his GPS to Roman's location. He was really lucky that Remus had forgotten to check to see if Roman's location was on.

"Don't worry, Ro. I'm coming. I'm your Prince Charming this time."

🎃🕸👻💀🕷🎃🕸👻💀🕷🎃🕸👻💀🕷🎃🕸👻

FNBMIG: @lehuka123

Everything: @misery-killed-me @superwholocked-for-life @mirror2thespirit @aroundofapplesauce @lyditist @little-euro-girl @unicornofdarknessstuff @maryann-draws @odette-ssbu

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whitehotharlots · 4 years ago

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Previewing the 2024 Democrat Primary

Within a couple weeks of his being sworn in, just about every person on earth will wish Joe Biden was no longer president. Sure, the few surviving John B. Anderson voters will be thrilled to see 4 years of crushing austerity and half-assed attempts at Keynesian stimulus. But most people will begin dreaming about a brighter future.

Good news! The 2024 Democratic primary field is going to contain dozens of options. Bad news! They are all going to be disgusting piles of shit.

The “top tier”

While it’s too early to do any handicapping, these are the candidates the media will treat as having the most realistic chances of securing the nomination.

Kamala Harris

Kamala did not win a single primary delegate in 2020. This is because she dropped out before the first primary, and that was because no one likes her. She has no base beyond a few thousand of twitter’s most violent psychos. Her disingenuousness approaches John Edwards levels: any halfway incredulous person can see immediately beyond her bullshit. She has no principles whatsoever, and while that may be par for the course for Democrats, she lacks even the basic politician’s ability to intuit anything that might, hypothetically, constitute a principle.

Even better: she is an awful public speaker. She sounds like how a talking dog would speak if he were just caught stealing people food off the kitchen table. She communicates in weird grunts and faux sassy squeaks, which is how she imagines real black women sound like, but something about her is unable to sell the bit. She begins her sentences in halfhearted AAVE, stops and panics halfway through as she realizes that maybe this sounds fake and offensive, and then reminds herself oh wait, no, this is okay since I’m black. This doesn’t happen once or twice per speech. This is how every single sentence sounds.

Kamala is like Nancy Pelosi in that no sketch show will ever impersonate her correctly, because anything that came close to authenticity would be considered far too cruel. This might benefit her in the primaries, as she exists in the minds of Democrats as someone and something she absolutely is not in reality. Nominating her would be like allowing your child’s imaginary friend to attempt to drive you to the store.

Andrew Cuomo

Easily one of the 50 worst people alive, Cuomo has a solid chance because Democrats, same as Republicans, are unable to differentiate between electability and self-serving ruthlessness. Cuomo used the deadliest public health crisis in American history as a pretext for cutting Medicaid and firing 5,000 MTA workers, and his approval rating increased. New York Dems are little piggies who love eating shit. If we assume that the political media will continue their habit of refusing to discuss the legislative history of right wing Democrats, Cuomo might well cruise to the nomination and then lose to literally any human being the GOP nominates by an historic margin.

Joe Biden

The party loves him because he is a right wing racist. “Progressives” tolerate him because black primary voters over 40 supported him, and their opinion is supposedly a magic window into god’s truth. Everyone else can tell he is manifestly senile. I don’t put it above the DNC to pick a candidate who is in horrible health, dying, or even dead--whatever the financial sector wants, they’ll get. But I would be shocked if his approval rating is above 39% by mid-2023, and by that point deep fake technology will be advanced enough they’ll put out a very lifelike video in which the Max Headroom version of Joe explains he’s proud of his accomplishments--that budget’s almost balanced already--but, man, I gotta abd--I gotta abdica--, uhh, I gotta, I, uhh, I gotta move down, man.

Wild Cards

These candidates would have all have a chance if they ran, but they could all much more easily retire to Little Saint James off of kickbacks they’ve gotten from Citibank and I.G. Farben.

Rahm Emanuel

Rahm is going to receive some hugely influential post in the Biden administration. Let’s say he becomes Secretary of Education. His signature achievement will be replacing all elementary school teachers with Amazon’s Alexa, which saved the taxpayers so much money we were able to quadruple the number of armed police officers we put into high schools. This will give him several thousand positive profiles on network news programs and the near-universal support of the Silicon Valley vampires who will own 99% of the country by the time Biden’s term ends. They will use their fancy mind control devices to convince geriatic primary voters that Rahm’s the one who will bring Decency back to the white house. His candidacy will be the paragon of wokeness, as expressing concern toward the fact that he covered up the police murder of a black guy will get you called a racist.

Rahm has a bonus in that Jewish men are now Schrodeniger’s PoC. When they are decent human beings, they are basic, cis white men who are stealing attention from disabled trans candidates of color. When they love austerity and apartheid, they become the most vulnerable people of color on earth and criticizing them in any way is genocide. No one will be able to mention a single thing Rahm has ever done or said without opening themselves to accusations of antisemitism, and that gives him a strong edge against the rest of the field. The good news is that an Emmanuel candidacy would result in over 50% of black voters choosing the GOP candidate--which, I guess that’s not really good but it would certainly be funny.

Gavin Newsom

Newsom is every bit as feckless as Cuomo, but he doesn’t put off the same “bad guy in an early Steven Segal movie” vibes. He will mention climate change 50 times per speech and no one will bother to mention how he keeps signing fracking contracts even though his state is now on fire 11 months of the year. If anything, this will be spun into an argument about how he’s actually the candidate best suited to handle all the water refugees gathering on the southern border. Look for his plan to curb emissions by 10% by the year 2150 to get high marks from Sierra Club nerds. He’s also a celebate librarian’s idea of what constitutes a handsome man, so he’ll have some support from the type of women who claim to hate all men.

Larry Summers

I mean, why not? Larry, like most members of the Obama administration, has politics that are eerily similar to those of Jordan Peterson. In normal circumstances, this makes a person a dangerous fascist who should not be platformed. But if that person has a D next to their name this makes them a realistic pragmatist who has what it takes to bring suburban bankers into our tent. If current trends in Woke Phrenology continue apace, Larry’s belief that women are inherently bad at STEM will be liberal orthodoxy by 2023, and his dedication to the Laffer Curve could see him rake in massive donations. Seriously, I’m not kidding: cultural liberalism is now fully dedicated to identity essentialism and balanced budgets. Larry is their ideal candidate. If he were black and/or a woman, I’d put him in the very top tier.

Jay Inslee

Unlike Newsom, Inslee’s attempt to crown himself the King of Global Warming won’t be immediately derailed, since his state is only on fire because of protestors. This, however, poses a different problem. He’s going to be a good test case for the Democrat’s uneasy peace with the ever increasing share of the electorate who become catatonic upon hearing a pronoun. On the one hand, you need to take their votes for granted. On the other hand, they’re not like black people or regular gays: most voters actively, consciously despise wokies, and associating yourself with them will ruin a campaign even in deep blue areas. There’s still gonna be riots in a year. Biden’s gonna announce the sale of all our nation’s potable water to the good folks at Nestle and some trans freak named Sasha-Malia DeBalzac is going to use that as an opportunity to sell their new pamphlet about how it’s fascist to not burn down small businesses. No matter what Inslee does in response, it’ll end his career.

AOC

I’m not one of those “AOC is a secret conservative” weirdos, but I am aware enough of basic reality to know she has zero chance of coming close to the nomination. The right and the center both regard her as a literal demon. The party is already blaming her for the fact that a handful of faceless Reagan acolytes failed to flip their suburban districts even though they ran on sensible pragmatic proposals like euthanizing the homeless. The recriminations will only get more unhinged when the Dems eat shit in the 2022 midterms. She will be a Russian, she will be white male, she will be a communist, she will be a homophobe: any insult or conspiracy theory you can name, MSNBC will spend hours discussing. Her house seat challenger will receive a record amount of support from the DNC in 2024 and it’ll be all she can do to remain in congress.

Larry Hogan

Don’t be dissuaded by the fact that he’s a Republican. Larry is the DNC’s ideal candidate: a physically repulsive conservative who owes his entire career to appealing to the most spiteful desires of suburban white people. He’s an open racist in a material sense--if you’re old-school enough to think racism is a matter of beliefs and actions, rather than the presence of cultural signifiers--but his is the beloved “never Trump” style of racism that Dems covet. He’s also a Proven Leader who thinks the role of government should be to finance the construction of investment property and give police the resources they need to run successful drug trafficking operations. Few people embody the Democrat worldview more than Larry.

The Losers Bracket

These people will have at least a small chance due solely to the fact that the Democrats love losing. They have lost in the past, and in the Democrat Mind that makes them especially qualified.

Joe Kennedy

The man looks like a mushroom-human hybrid from a JRPG. Trump proved that physical hideousness need not doom a presidential bid, but a candidate still needs some kind of charm or oratorical abilities or, god forbid, a decent platform. Joe aggressively lacks all of these things. A vanity campaign would be a good way to raise money and perhaps secure an MSNBC gig, so Joe might still run.

Mayor Pete

I am 100% convinced that Pete’s 2020 run was a CIA plot meant to prevent working class Americans from ever having a chance of living decent lives. I am also 100% aware that Democrats are dumb enough to enthusiastically support a CIA plot meant to prevent working class Americans from ever having a chance of living decent lives. If we have some sort of military or terror disaster between now and 2023 the Dems are sure to want a TROOP, and wait wait wait you’re telling me this one is a gay troop? Holy hell there’s no way that could lose!

Stacy Abrams

Never underestimate the power of white guilt. She lost the gubernatorial race to Gomer Pyle’s grandson, and her spiritual guidance of the Dems saw the party lose black voters in Georgia in 2020. Nonetheless, she is regarded as a magic font of fierceness within the DNC. She might stand a chance if she can establish herself as the most conservative non-white candidate in the field, but there’s going to be stiff competition for that honor.

Elizabeth Warren

Liz is probably angry that the party so shamelessly sold her out even after she was a good little girl and sabatoged Bernie’s campaign for them--yet another example of high ranking US government officials reneging on their promises to the Native American community. Smdh. The fact that this woman hasn’t been bankrupted a dozen times over by various Wallet Inspectors genuinely astounds me. So Liz is probably going to run again, and her campaign will be even sadder the second time around.

It might surprise you to hear this if you don’t work at a college or NGO, but Liz diehards actually do exist. She’ll get even less support this time because there will be no viable leftist in the field for her to spoil, but she’ll still hang in long enough to make sure the very worst possible candidate beats out the second worst possible candidate. Maybe she��ll fabricate a rape accusation against Sherrod Brown. Maybe she’ll spend her entire allotted debate time doing a land acknowledgment. With Liz, anything is possible--so long as it ends in failure.

Amy Klobuchar

Amy was the most bloodthirsty of the 2020 also rans. She will double down on the unpopular failures of the Biden administration, explaining that if you weren’t such a selfish idiot you’d love the higher social security retirement age and oh my god are so such a moron you think you shouldn’t go bankrupt to get a COVID vaccine? There’s a non-unsubstantial segment of the Democratic base that’s self-hating enough to find this appealing, but it won’t be enough to make her viable.

Martha Coakley

She lost Ted Kennedy’s senate seat to a retarded man who was pretending to be even more retarded than he actually was. Then she lost a gubernatorial race to a guy who openly promised Massachusetts voters that he would punish them for electing him. Her record of failure is unparalleled, making her perhaps the ideal Democrat standard bearer for the twenty twenties.

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songofsoma · 4 years ago

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Her Pale Knight

Hi so I read a scene of dark Nate on @seraphinitegames‘s patreon and I wanted to do my own version but with Ava because you know...I’m gay.

This scene contains dark themes so just a forewarning <3

fandom: the wayhaven chronicles pairing: ava du mortain / detective cecilia beck w|w, femme, trauma

There was an eerie silence that settled over the warehouse that evening. Cecilia couldn’t help but find it a bit unnerving. Usually, when she was visiting the Agency, a member from Unit Bravo or her mother would always be by her side to enjoy a rare few moments to visit with one another—but there was hardly anyone roaming the halls. She had become accustomed to all sorts of supernaturals flitting around the corridors, never failing to give her a kind smile as they passed—one she was delighted to return. She suspected why there was a clear absence of life. The blood bags were to be distributed that afternoon. The subject of feeding seemed to be a touchy topic to Unit Bravo. None of them were comfortable with talking about it, so she left it alone as much as she could. In fact, when Ava told her that they would be given their blood bags, she looked ashamed, unable to meet her gaze. Cecilia had tried to lighten her mood by cracking a joke. “So…do you say compliments to the chef afterward? Or is that considered unethical?” Ava didn’t even crack a smile. It had the opposite effect as she flinched at the word “unethical.” A shame because Farah would’ve loved that one. The vampire had turned to leave without another word until Cecilia caught her hand at the last second. “You know this doesn’t change the way I think of you, right?” She had asked her in a warm tone. “It should.” Ava looked away, gently tugging her hand from Cecilia’s turning to leave the room. This time, Cecilia let her go. It had been hours since that encounter, but her head was still swimming in a sea of Ava. One would think being alive for almost a millennium, she wouldn’t be so ashamed of the core of her very nature. Or perhaps, that was the reason why she felt so. There was still so much Cecilia didn’t know about her life. The most she had been told was from the mirror at the carnival. Ava’s hair was long then, her pale braid stained with blood as was her armor. Even in the midst of battle, she was beautiful, but that cold-hearted smile sent chills down her spine as she killed those who got in her way. All of that information was given unwillingly, she wasn’t even sure if Ava knew that she had gotten a glimpse into her bloody past. She was sure she could sit and listen to Ava talk for hours, but she knew that was only a situation that would play out in her daydreams—in between the stolen kisses and declarations of love that also plagued her thoughts, of course. Cecilia dropped her head into her hands with a groan. Why had she fallen in love with such a stubborn woman? If only Ava would just let her peek over the walls she had built around her feelings, Cecilia knew she could make her happy. And there was nothing more she wanted then to see her happy. In the distance, she heard the strike of bells as another hour rolled around. She had debated on going home, but a selfish piece of her wanted to stay in hopes of seeing her pale knight once more. “Cecilia,” her name purred from Ava’s lips, causing Cecilia to practically jump out of her skin. When had Ava gotten here? It was as if she materialized from her thoughts. Cecilia stood from the couch she was sitting on in the living area. “Ava, I didn’t hear you come in.” She cringed at the tone of her own voice. Something about her wasn’t right. There was a look in her eyes that made her stomach churn with uneasiness which was odd since Ava was who she found herself to feel safest with. Carefully, she began to round the sofa to stand in front of the vampire, even though every inch of her body was screaming at her to run the other direction. Ava smiled and it made her blood turned to ice. It was that same grin from the mirror—right before she executed her victim. “Are you okay?” Cecilia asked, hesitantly placing a hand on her forearm. The skin was unusually warm, a direct contradiction to her typical coolness. “Are you sick?” Ava captured her thin wrist in the prison of her grip, squeezing hard enough to draw a yelp of pain from Cecilia’s lips. “Ava, please—” she cried out, desperately trying to pull away. Amused, Ava let go of her, watching as Cecilia began to scramble backward. “Isn’t this what you want?” Her voice was low and dangerous, poison dripping from every syllable which drooled on to the floor in hopes she might slip into the trap. She began to grow closer. “Isn’t this what you dream of?” She pushed her against the wall forcefully, the back of Cecilia’s head smacking against the concrete brick. Her world spun as she tried to regain focus. But Ava’s body was pressed up against her own now, pinning her in place. “I know you think about me and the things I could do to you.” Ava’s slender finger trailed down Cecilia’s cheek, her fingernail scratching the skin towards the end. “I feel the way your pulse quickens, how you’re breathing changes, the heat of your body.” Her face was directly in front of Cecilia’s now, the light glinting off of her sharp canines as her lips twisted into an imposter of a smile. Cecilia, blinking rapidly, trying to get her world to stay steady blindly pushed at Ava, trying to get her away. This only seemed to entertain her more as both Cecilia’s wrists became prisoners pressed against the wall. “Humans are always so silly,” she chuckled. “Always thinking they can run.” Her nostrils flared as she spoke. “But you can’t. You are too weak. Poor helpless, little human.” Tears surfaced as painful memories of Murphy flooded her mind. The way she was restrained, the helpless feeling, the primal fear running through her veins. But in that situation, Ava had come and saved her. Now, Ava was the one she was fighting against. “Ava, please stop,” Cecilia whimpered. She only laughed and leaned forward, licking the tears from her cheeks mockingly. “Poor little detective thought you were so tough going against big bad Murphy. You haven’t seen real power, Detective.” Her face moved away from hers to move down to the bare skin of her neck. Cecilia didn’t fight back anymore. She was too tired. This was certainly not the way she imagined Ava’s mouth to taste her skin for the first time. She shouldn’t have waited. She should’ve gone home. “You really have no idea what kind of power lays just beneath your skin.” Ava ran her teeth over her throat, pausing over where Murphy had torn her skin open all those months ago. “Do you know how hard it is to be around you? To know the sweet scent of power but not be allowed to touch it. Though I must admit, the forbidden nature of it will make it sweeter than one could ever imagine.” “This isn’t you!” Cecilia sobbed. But it was cut short when Ava’s hand moved to close around her throat instead, beginning to squeeze. “Oh, on the contrary,” she sneered. The edges of Cecilia’s vision were beginning to blacken from lack of air. “This is the monster I really am!” She barred her fangs, ready to go for the kill until the doors busted open with such force, she was sure they were off the hinges. Ava’s hand was torn away from her throat. Cecilia’s knees buckled as she collapsed into a heap on the floor. What was happening? All she could hear was Ava’s angry roars that drowned out a second and third voice. “Cecilia, get up!” Morgan. The girl’s arms enveloped protectively as Cecilia came to. Over Morgan’s black-clad shoulder, she could see that Ava had been pinned down with by both Nat and Farah. She couldn’t recall a time where Nat had looked angrier, even Farah looked ready to tear Ava’s head off. “We can’t hold her for much longer!” Nat yelled, struggling to hold Ava’s burly figure down. “Get her to Agent Beck!” Without a second thought, Morgan scooped Cecilia up tore from the room. “What happened?” Cecilia managed to mumble, her eyelids feeling heavy. Morgan didn’t answer for a brief second. “Poisoned blood.” She said, barely caught by Cecilia as she lost consciousness.

***

The moment Ava’s eyes snapped open she knew something was horribly wrong. Her head pounded as she made the poor attempt to sit up but was groaned when she realized she was unable to. Her wrists and ankles had been restrained. Furrowing her brows, she tried to take in her surroundings, calculating the clues to tell her where she was. Four familiar grey walls, simple wood furniture, a basket of laundry that had yet to be folded. The only thing that was out of place was the fact that she wasn’t alone and the ties binding her to her bed. She was in her room. Surrounded by her friends wearing masks of different emotions. What had happened? Nat stood the closest to the bed. She looked worse for wear with tired eyes and disheveled clothing. Farah mimicked her appearance, both looked stricken with worry. Morgan hovered at the foot of the bed, her face matching that of Agent Becks—anger. Her head was spinning trying to recall what had happened. She remembered being provided the blood bag, but the events after were hazy as if she was trying to recall a dream that had already begun to slip from her memory. “Ava?” Nat called out quietly, taking another step towards the bed. “Why am I tied down?” Her voice was hoarse. How long had she been like this? Nat and Morgan began to free her, following a silent command. As she pushed herself up finally, her head spun. Rebecca stepped into her line of vision. Her eyes were rimmed with red like she had been crying. There were only a few things that Ava could think of that would draw such a reaction—Cecilia. It happened all at once. The memories slammed against her skull making her cringe. It had been like she wasn’t in control of herself like she had been watching on a screen. Her voice taunting Cecilia. Her hand wrapped around Cecilia’s throat. Her grin as she watched as the light was running from Cecilia’s eyes. Oh, those eyes. Her doe-eyed gaze that usually looked upon Ava with warm affection had turned to terror as she begged her to stop. Ava was frozen as she remembered, guilt and anger taking over every inch of her body. “Cecilia?” Ava managed to gasp, Gentle hands rested on her shoulder as Nat tried to comfort her. “She’s okay, she’s being tended to.” “Some of the blood bags given to the Agency were poisoned,” Agent Beck interrupted, pulling Ava’s attention towards her. “We only realized after you were gone.” She was struggling to keep her tone even. Farah leaned back on her heels, trying to smooth down her crumpled shirt. “It took both Nat and me to hold you down. Let’s not do that again,” she tried to lighten the mood but was met with a fierce glare from both Rebecca and Morgan. “Farah, Morgan, will you please go check on Cecilia?” Nat intervened, squeezing Ava’s shoulder. “Let us know if she’s awake, please.” Had she been alone all this time? Just as they were leaving, someone popped their head in, gesturing for Rebecca. With a heavy sigh, she nodded. “We will talk later, Ava.” She said as she began to leave. But she paused before exiting the room. “I know I shouldn’t blame you, but I find it hard not to.” And then it was just her and Nat. It was like Ava had been slapped across the face. She couldn’t blame her. Cecilia was her only child and Ava had put her life at risk by her own hand. Out of all the centuries, she had walked the Earth, she had never hated herself more than now. How could she have hurt someone so kind? Someone who she loved cared for. Someone Ava had sworn to protect. How many times would she fail Cecilia? One time, she was going to be too late to save her. Ava sat on the edge of the bed, her face buried in her hands. “Don’t lie to me, how bad was it?” Her words were muffled. The bed dipped beside her large form as Nat sat next to her. “When we finally figured out where you were, we came in and she was pinned against the wall, your hand around her throat.” Nat blew out a long breath. Ava shuddered as the scene appeared at the forefront of her mind once more. “It wasn’t your fault, Ava,” Nat murmured, wrapping an arm around her broad shoulders to try and comfort her. “Tell that to Cecilia,” she snapped venomously, shaking off her friend by getting to her feet shakily. “Do you know she’s still traumatized from the incident with Murphy? She tries to hide it, but I can see it in her eyes.” Nat listened quietly, not knowing what to say. “She’s told me about it before because she trusted me. She was afraid of being weak, afraid of not deserving her place here,” Ava choked up as she continued. “I’ve ruined it, Natalie.” Tears were rolling down her cheeks as a heavy feeling settled in her chest. Her heart was broken—she had taken Cecilia’s affection for granted. Now, it was ruined because of her own weakness. Ava dropped to her knees, ignoring the splintering pain as they hit the hard floor. Her hands were flush against the wood as she knelt on all fours, unable to hold herself up. And she cried. Deep, heavy sobs erupted from her chest that shook her entire body. Nat knelt beside her, knowing it was best not to say anything, but to just let her know she was there. “It wasn’t you, Ava,” she finally whispered, tucking a loose hair behind Ava’s ear. Ava ripped herself away from Nat, struggling to her feet. She paced the length of the room, not bothering to wipe away her tears. “You don’t know that, Natalie,” she yelled, pausing to stare at where Nat still sat. “Cecilia was the only thing in all these years that made begin to think that I wasn’t truly a monster and look what happened!” The fury had been building and now needed to find an outlet. Turning, Ava’s fist slammed into the side of her dresser causing it to splinter beneath the force. She needed to get out of this room, she needed to breathe. Without another word, Ava threw open the door hard enough to rip it off its hinges as she stormed out of the room, refusing to look back as she left.

***

Between the steady, irritating beep of the machine monitoring her vitals and the horrible dreamed plaguing her mind, Cecilia was ripped from sleep. Her head was cloudy from whatever medicine they must have dosed her with, but she could still vividly remember the face in her nightmares. Usually Murphy haunted her subconscious. The knowledge that he was still at large taunted her, not to mention the events that took place the last time they came face to face. It had traumatized her. Now a new face had haunted her dreams, one that had been so sweet and welcomed before. Pale green eyes, colder than ice, and words that pierced her ears. “Isn’t this what you want?” Immediately, Cecilia desperately searched for the bedpan resting on the floor before violently retching the contents of her stomach. She still hung halfway off the bed as the door to the room opened, tears tickling her skin once more. Cecilia hardly heard them enter. All she could think about was Ava’s tongue on her cheeks, making her sob harder as she lapped at her pain like a starved dog. "Oh, Cece.” Nat choked out, immediately flocking to the side of the bed. She had snatched a towel on her way over to gently wipe off Cecilia’s mouth before helping her back up. Everything hurt. Her neck where Ava had choked her. Her head from being slammed against the wall. But the worst pain was from her heart that had been broken in more ways than one. Cecilia didn’t say anything, she didn’t have to after taking one look at Nat’s face. Instead, Nat pulled her into a hug, letting Cecilia sob into her chest as she ran her fingers through her knotted, dark hair. “I’m sorry we weren’t there sooner,” Nat sounded as if she was in tears as well. “We thought at first she was having a bad reaction and was going to rest, not whatever that was.” Cecilia hugged her friend tighter, beginning to recall what Morgan had told her. “The blood bags were poisoned?” She asked as she pulled away just enough to see her face. She had been correct that Nat had been crying as well, a look of regret in her eyes. She nodded. “We realized that too late. Cecilia, I am so sorry.” “How is Ava?” Cecilia asked after a long moment to let the information begin to sink in. “She’s back to normal now, but—,” Nat cut herself off. “But, what?” With a heavy sigh, Nat leaned back, wiping away her stray tears. “Of all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen that woman cry until now.” Cecilia looked away, not able to think about it, her heart was already broken enough. “Can I please go home?” She whispered. Nat looked at her in understanding. “I’ll go get Elidor.” “Will you please get my mom?” Her voice cracked and she feared she might cry again. “Of course, Cecilia. Can I get you anything at all?” She shook her head, just wanting the maternal comfort of her mother’s hug. “Thank you, Nat.” In return, she was given a tight smile as Nat held back more tears. She sniffed, looking at her feet. “If you need anything at all, please call me. I will brave modern technology for you.” That managed to make her smile slightly. “Thanks, Nat.”

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captain-aralias · 5 years ago

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“Fuck the Mage” – a look at the politics of Carry On’s most and least popular characters

I’ve written this not to try and make anyone feel bad about liking Baz, or Fiona, or Natasha, or any of Baz’s family (I like Baz and Baz’s family). I haven’t even written it to try and make it OK to like the Mage, or to stop it being OK not to like him. (It’s OK to not like him – he’s a bad guy.)

But we’re coming up to another general election. Today is actually the day of the Conservative party manifesto launch! And I said I would write this to @basic-banshee, who I like and admire, and who was right to say Baz is a Tory earlier in the week.

It feels like the right time.

I should also say now that I don’t closely follow politics. This isn’t my specialist subject. I’m just British and I live with a hardcore socialist.

I also think I said all of these things in The Mage’s Heir already, so if you want you can read that instead. It has vampire sex too, which this doesn’t.

(Keep reading will take you to an essay that is almost five thousand words long. So strap in.)

---

"One will come to end us; and one will bring his fall” - the narrative drive of the Chosen One story

It is a truth universally acknowledged that ‘Carry On’ is based on ‘Harry Potter’. More than that, though, it’s specifically a challenge to the kind of book that Potter is – in which a hero is chosen and fulfils his destiny defeating the big bad. It purposefully subverts the expectations of readers familiar with that sort of story.

That means that, where the villain in ‘Harry Potter’ is a racial supremacist who is obviously and actively evil, the supposed big-bad villain in ‘Carry On’ doesn’t really exist. The Humdrum is just an echo of Simon, who by the end of the book identifies himself as the villain as well as the hero. This is a neat twist on the format. It isn’t supposed to be an argument that all heroes are actually the causes of their own destruction, although you could read it that way.

The real villain is the Mage. Who in classic Dumbledore fashion left Simon to be raised in horrible conditions and never gave him enough information to make his own choices. He also murders Ebb, locks Baz in a coffin in inhumane conditions, and let vampires into Watford – an event that directly or indirectly led to the death of Natasha Grimm-Pitch.

This is again a twist on the format. The Mage fills the role of the wise mentor and we find out as early as ‘Fangirl’ that he’s Simon’s father. Even though there’s a strong movement that argues that Dumbledore is a manipulative dick who used to date a Nazi, I don’t think anyone would call him the villain of Potter. He’s still far more good than bad and he’s still absolutely necessary in helping Harry work out how to defeat Voldemort.

That’s why the Mage has to be the villain – it’s because you wouldn’t expect it of the person in his narrative role or with his political views. (I’d guess it’s not supposed to be a statement about all wise mentors, though it could be. Or even all socialist reformers.) It’s also because the kinds of things that Dumbledore did to Harry are worse when viewed through the more personal lens of YA romance, rather than the more traditional school-story fantasy of Potter.

Fandom is essentially united in its absolute condemnation of the Mage as a character.

He’s almost always written as an abusive father in fic. (This is particularly noticeable for me in non-magic AUs where he often physically and mentally hurts Simon outside of the fantasy genre where sending a child to take on a dragon is loosely acceptable.)

Penny tells us that he’s sexist (although Agatha – who also doesn’t like the Mage – points out that it’s possible the Mage just hates everyone). Penny tells us that anyone can call themselves the ‘Great Reformer’ and she’s right. The Mage’s Men are actively equated to Nazis through their raids, which is backed up by other familiar emotive language like ‘banned books, banned phrases’.

But the thing is, the Mage really was a great reformer. And Baz’s family really were a bunch of privileged, self-centred assholes who deserved not to be in charge, no matter how much we like them. We don’t talk about it much, beyond how Malcolm’s (very standardly conservative) homophobia affects Baz on a personal level, because the emotions of the story lead us down a different path.

Baz is the romantic hero, Natasha Pitch is his dead and wronged mother, and the Mage is the villain. Not because he’s a Nazi (he isn’t). Not even because he killed Ebb or imprisoned Baz.

It’s primarily because, unlike Natasha, he isn’t a good parent.

Which is fine. It makes sense for all the reasons above, and the Mage is a bad parent

But the problem with ‘Carry On’ being an inversion of the tropes of traditional narratives is that we end up with a canon that (even though it’s full of POC characters and gay characters and disabled characters) almost asks us to be OK with the politics of Baz’s family and class, because we like Baz and we don’t like the Mage.

And they’re not really OK.

“Not one of ours” – the Old Families as Conservatives

I’ll talk more about the Mage later, but he exists as a reaction to the Pitches, so let’s talk about their political leanings first. Specifically, I’m going to talk about Loyalty, The Other, Vampires, and Taxes.

Ban wrote a nice and also brief description of what Conservatives/Tories are to start you off, if you didn’t read it. Later an anon (sorry if this was you!) said that Rainbow would never have really meant for Baz to be read as a Tory.

But I’m pretty sure she did and I respect how much she didn’t shy away from it.

In fact, the only way I can imagine Baz and his family not voting Conservative/Tory is if they just didn’t vote at all, because they thought Normal politics were unimportant. Which is also a highly privileged position to take as it assumes that none of them will ever need to take advantage of Normal public services and that it’s no concern of theirs what happens to everyone else in the country i.e. this is the one situation where not voting Tory is actually the most Tory thing you could ever do.

1. Loyalty

Now obviously Baz’s family do care – passionately – about the people they care about. This is one of their most appealing characteristics as characters. It’s very likeable and understandable. Rainbow has suggested Baz is a Hufflepuff. Hardworking – and (this is the key) loyal. I see it, although I think he would have turned out very differently if he’d been told from the age of eleven that this is who he was, rather than being essentially told he was a Slytherin. But that’s a detour.

The problem with being loyal is that there are people you aren’t loyal to, and you can see this clearly in the Pitches. The people they love must be protected, even at the expense of everyone else. Its barely a choice. Although the Pitches would never betray each other, they’re famous betrayers.

I adore Fiona, she’s one of my favourite characters. But she is also – as Rainbow stated recently – ‘a dangerous lunatic’. She is hardly bothered when the specific action that she insights Baz (a child) to take against Simon (a child who hasn’t done anything to her) causes Philippa Stainton (another child who really hasn’t done anything to her) to be permanently disabled.

Baz is almost unable to comment on how this event makes him feel even in his POV - probably because he’s loyal and he doesn’t want to criticise Fiona. Although we know it causes him to stop trying to kill Simon, so I’d guess that it troubled him, even if it didn’t trouble Fiona. (We’ll come back to Baz as part of his family later.)

2. The Other

If Natasha were still in charge of Watford, Trixie wouldn’t be allowed to attend. Gareth wouldn’t be allowed to attend. Simon wouldn’t be allowed to attend. The Minotaur worked on the grounds, since ‘creatures weren’t allowed on the staff’ (which is horrifically racist language, even if it’s true.)

Oddly, Simon is able to voice this within the text (probably because he’s been hanging around with the Mage so much), although his opinion is disregarded because it sounds naïve and because even he tell us that he doesn’t understand what’s going on.

“I still don’t think it’s a war,” Agatha insists. “It’s just politics, just like in the Normal world. The Mage has power, and the Old Families want it back. They’ll bitch and moan and cut deals and throw parties---” “It’s not just politics.” Simon leans towards her, pointing. “It’s right and wrong.” Agatha rolls her eyes. “But that’s what the other side says, too.” … “It’s not just politics,” he says again. “It’s right. And wrong. It’s our lives. If the Old Families had their way, I wouldn’t even be here. They wouldn’t have let me into Watford.” “But that wasn’t personal, Simon,” Agatha says. “It’s because you’re a Normal.”

Firstly – it probably was personal, let’s face it. But secondly – even if it wasn’t personal-personal, it’s still an example of a prejudice that echoes the distain people like the Malfoys have for ‘Mudbloods’. Just because Simon could be the first Normal to gain magic, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be allowed to join Watford. The Mage shouldn’t have to give him a title and a sword just to get him in.

Simon’s right, even if he doesn’t mean it this way. Politics affects people’s lives.

“Ask Natasha Grimm-Pitch about suicide rates among low-magicians,” the Mage tells Mitali Bunce – who is right that killing people isn’t the answer, but also not nearly as progressive as she thinks she is. “Ask your Coven what they’re doing to fight pixie sticks and every other magickal disease that doesn’t affect their own sons and daughters.

3. Vampires as a specific example of the Other

Natasha and the Old Families were in charge when Nicodemus Petty joined the vampires. It wasn’t the Mage who struck Nicodemus’s name from the book and pulled out his fangs. Which we’re told is fine, actually, because it’s against Mage Law. Even though the idea of this happening to Baz is horrific and unthinkable, and even though we have no evidence that Nicky ever killed anyone. Just that he wasn’t human.

If you’ve read ‘The Mage’s Heir’ you’ll know I think Nicky is a very interesting character to bring into this space. He’s powerful and he’s innovative, inventing spells Baz has never heard of even after he has his magic taken away from him. He’s like the Mage, and like the Mage (who is from Wales, which is traditionally a very poor area of the UK), he’s clearly from a low-class family. The accent that both he and Ebb have is East-End London, which means they’re poor. Even though they’re powerful magicians and therefore theoretically as valid as the Pitches in the Pitch-world order.

Yes, he chose to become a vampire and Baz didn’t but partly he’s punished for being poor and trying to become more powerful in a way that the Pitches don’t understand. He wasn’t necessarily going to kill anyone.

Are vampires even bad?

Because Baz isn’t bad – or not just because he’s a vampire, anyway. We see Simon wrestling with this in ‘Wayward Son’ and he struggles because of his personal hatred for Lamb.

Even (and perhaps especially) under the Mage, the World of Mages just uniformly accepts that a whole group is evil. I think ‘Wayward Son’ begins to trouble this, even as Lamb betrays Baz and vampires are the enemy. But we find Baz actually thinking: “I’m not used to thinking of vampires as fellow victims.”

What he means is that he’s not used to thinking of them as people.

It’s completely appalling to keep Baz in a coffin – I’m sure we all agree with that. If it was another vampire, would the Old Families and the rest of the World of Mages feel the same way, or would they think that was a proportionate response?

When we talk about the death of Natasha Pitch we talk about the Humdrum having killed her, or the Mage having killed her. The vampires are presented as a random instrument of death (which if they had been taken over the Humdrum they would have been), rather than people who were paid by the Mage to do something.

The way the situation is presented to us in the Record, by Natasha herself, and by popular memory is that monsters broke into the nursery and would have killed Baz and Natasha if she hadn’t responded as she did.

However, Nicky says to Baz: “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he meant for your mum to die – but I don’t think he minded much. Made everything a lot easier.”

So it’s at least worth contemplating a reality where this is what happened:

The Mage paid vampires to break into Watford and cause a disturbance. He didn’t think anyone would die.

One of the vampires bit Baz but didn’t intend to either kill or Turn him, which we know is now a possibility but which nobody in the World of Mages had ever bothered to find out.

Even if the vampires did intend to Turn Baz, it could easily be a political statement – an opportunity to show that even a Pitch could be a vampire and that the World of Mages might like to reappraise its choices.

When Natasha arrived, she saw her son being threatened, acted on her prejudices and didn’t ask questions. She murdered a large group of people who had broken into her school, but who otherwise hadn’t necessarily done anything wrong.

I don’t say this is what happened, just that it’s a possibility.

Even if these vampires are evil and this was a terrorist attack (a phrase I’m using deliberately) the fact that presumably most of the others aren’t evil is still relevant. We barely scratch the surface of what this means for the World of Mages even in ‘Wayward Son’.

One of the things I think that’s most interesting about the Mage’s rise to power is that he does using the same hateful speech that the Old Families use, just exclusively directed against the Dark Creatures, rather than all creatures and low-powered magicians. It probably made it easier for him to gain support because these are views that everyone holds, but it’s completely at odds with his whole stated reason for being in charge.

Definitely not ideal. We do deserve better.

4. Taxes

Baz also tells us that his family are against the idea of taxation, which the Mage has introduced largely to benefit people who aren’t like Baz.

‘Taxes to cover all the Mage’s initiatives; most notably to pay for every faun bastard and centaur cousin, and every pathetic excuse for a magician in the Realm to attend Watford. The World of Mages never had taxes before. Taxes were for Normals, we had standards instead.’

I’m writing this post in November 2019, about a week after the Labour manifesto has dropped. It has this to say about taxes:

Universal public services, collectively provided through general taxation and free at the point of use for all, are how we guarantee the right to a good life. Public services do more than make sure everyone has the basics. They create shared experiences and strengthen social bonds. They make our lives richer and more fulfilling. A decade of Tory cuts has pushed our public services to breaking point. Labour offers real change – we will make Britain’s public services the best and most extensive in the world. We will pay for this by creating a fairer taxation system, asking for a little more from those with the broadest shoulders, and making sure that everyone pays what they owe. We will reverse some of the Tories’ cuts to corporation tax while keeping rates lower than in 2010. We’ll ask those who earn more than £80,000 a year to pay a little more income tax, while freezing National Insurance and income tax rates for everyone else. We will end the unfairness that sees income from wealth taxed at lower rates than income from work. VAT is a regressive tax that hits the poorest hardest and we guarantee no increases in VAT.

The Conservatives have launched a rival site called https://www.labourmanifesto.co.uk/ It has this to say about taxes:

“Hardworking taxpayers would have to pay an extra £2,400 each year in tax on average to cover Jeremy Corbyn’s reckless spending.”

The language of the Conservative party is about how higher taxes will negatively affect you the voter, rather than benefit the whole country. It’s also about tradition and how brilliant it is.

We Will Put You First Getting Brexit done. Investing in our public services and infrastructure. Supporting workers and families. Strengthening the Union. Unleashing Britain’s potential. The future is there for us to grasp. Not a future in which we endlessly refight the battles of Brexit and the Scottish independence referendum, or in which Jeremy Corbyn and John McDonnell – propped up by Nicola Sturgeon – lead a Government which rejects everything that has made the UK great.

I’m not saying traditions aren’t important (unless they’re bad traditions – like imperialism, which made the UK great, for sure), but they’re definitely less important than helping large groups of people through public service. Also Brexit sucks and is incredibly bad for the economy the Tories claim is so important to them.

If you aren’t from the UK (as I’d assume most readers aren’t), it may not be so cripplingly obvious that Baz’s family are rich therefore Conservative. But they’re also conservative – and therefore Conservative.

“a Tory vampire” – Baz’s own politics

Baz is a version of Draco Malfoy, who calls Hermione a ‘Mudblood’ and supports Umbridge and then Voldemort, although he later regrets it.

I haven’t really read any Harry/Draco (I was in Wolfstar), but I’m guessing that a lot of the fic builds on the fact that Draco cries in a bathroom, is unable to go through with murdering Dumbledore and Harry, and that his family ultimately decide to leave the Final Battle rather than support Voldemort. I’d guess that we argue that he was young and stupid, didn’t understand the full impact of what he was doing until it was too late, and then had to stay with the Death Eaters because he was afraid for his life and the lives of his family.

Baz, I am arguing, comes from a similar upbringing and has similar beliefs, even if he never got to the murdering Mudbloods stage. (He’s given an out in a way by never being in power when we see him.)

I’d also argue – because I really like Baz and I don’t want him to be ‘racist and speciest’ – that his actions and beliefs are, like Draco’s, massively affected by situational factors outside of his control. And that he, too, was young and stupid. I find it almost impossible that he could arrive at Watford with any other ideology – and I say this as an ex-Remus/Sirius shipper, who clearly found it totally reasonable that Sirius would hate his family and side immediately with a bunch of do-gooding Gryffindors.

The key there, though, is that Sirius hates his family; whereas Baz and Draco love their families and are (see above) incredibly loyal to them. One of the reason it’s easy for me to sit here and say ‘voting Conservative isn’t a thing I would ever do’ is that my family are hardcore ‘Not Conservative’ voters. If I ultimately decided I didn’t agree with them, I could do that, but I started out thinking they were probably right. This is the case with Baz and Draco – they have further to go than someone like Penny who was raised by Mitali and still tells Shepard that imagining being a Normal is like imagining being a frog.

I think Baz is a more sympathetic character than Draco Malfoy by a long way, but Draco has a strong justification for being more evil in that Voldemort will literally murder him if he doesn’t perform hateful actions. Baz merely worries that the Mage will “drive his whole family out of magic” if he doesn’t fight Simon, which is a bit of a weak argument when you think about it.

What has the Mage actually done? He’s forced the Old Families off the Coven – of course he did. They would have voted against his reforms. He’s raided their houses for dark objects that they do actually have. He doesn’t let them meet in large groups – which is an edict that they’re clearly ignoring given that the Club (so Tory) exists and also that the Old Families do actually have a Consortium that meets to try and work out how to seize power through potentially illegal means.

Are these actions designed to win the love of the Old Families? Of course not. Could there have been better, less repressive strategies? Yes, absolutely.

But how empty are Baz’s coffers really? They still have at least two massive houses that we know about. They’re not exactly on the streets.

All that aside though, Baz does have a very good reason for acting the way he does, much better than Malfoy. His entire life that has been warped around his mother’s death.

The fact that she’s dead, and that she died in (arguably) heroic circumstances, makes it very difficult for Baz to think of her as anything other than completely perfect and right about everything. Even when he thinks about how she’d probably kill him for being a vampire, even though he knows that he’s never hurt anyone and therefore does not deserve to die, even then he still thinks that she must be right and that he is a monster who deserves to die. Fiona has exactly the same reaction.

Because he thinks his mother was perfect and because everyone around him tells him what a good headmistress she was (and because the Mage is presumably very bad at this part of his job), he also has to regret the fact that she isn’t in charge of the school anymore. Education is important to him.

And the timing of Natasha’s death is also specifically and strongly linked to the loss of power, and the two are inextricably bound together. If Baz is to love and honour his mother, to regret her loss, he must also regret the loss of the things that she stood for.

Now the Mage isn’t in power anymore, and Baz’s mother is at peace, he probably can start to think differently about the way the society is structured.

I believe that ‘Wayward Son’ – in which I don’t think Baz thinks a single racist thing, and instead queries the idea of going to America given the ‘current political climate’ – shows that he’s already starting to consider his view on the world differently.

Part of this is because of who he is personally. He’s gay – and of course he’s a vampire, both of which wouldn’t normally be acceptable to his family. (Although you can be gay and a powerful Conservative, of course. It’s much less unacceptable than being poor.) (Incidentally, I know you didn’t ask, but I don’t think the Mage would care if Simon was gay. He’s a liberal. He’d want to be OK with it, even if he wasn’t. But he’d care that Simon was dating a Tory and would definitely try and forbid it.)

Baz has more reason than any other Pitch to reassess his family’s politics, because they negatively affect him personally.

The trick will be to see if he can look outwards from himself, and care about things that don’t help him at all. Which I think he can.

“He’s still more good than bad, I think” – the Mage and his poor decisions

OK, here we go. The most controversial part.

So, the Mage is the villain and is also a bad guy who left Simon in a home, tortured Baz, killed people, and incited hate against vampires. As I said right at the beginning, I’m not going to argue that you should forgive or even like him because ultimately I can’t if eighth year plays out as it does in canon.

But Lucy tells us that we shouldn’t take him as a straight-forward villain and if we’re willing to give the Pitches the benefit of the doubt over some things, I think we should at least give it a try for the Mage.

Here’s what I’ve got.

1. The political situation at the start of ‘Carry On’

In a story where the Mage was the hero, the book would have finished where he got into power. We’ve defeated the evil oppressive empire and now it’s a chance for reforms, hurrah! Everything will probably be good.

What we actually find at the beginning of Simon’s eighth year is that the Mage has been fighting the Old Families solidly for the last twelve years. They’ve resisted absolutely everything he’s tried to do, and far from being powerless now they’re not in charge, they’re actively and effectively using extreme wealth to obstruct the process of normal government:

“Half of Wales has stopped tithing. The Pitches are paying three members of the Coven to stay away from meetings, so we don’t have quorum. And there have been skirmishes up and down the road to London all summer long.” “Skirmishes?” “Traps, tussles. Tests – they’re all tests, Simon. You know the Old Families would seize the reins if they thought for a moment I was distracted. They’d roll back everything we’ve accomplished.” “Do they think they can fight the Humdrum without us?” “I think they’re so shortsighted,” he says, looking over at me “that they don’t care.”

Now, obviously, this is the Mage’s viewpoint on what is happening and so can’t be trusted in terms of the Old Families motivations. We also can’t ask them because we only hear from Baz (and once, briefly, from Fiona) who has his own view of the world which is coloured massively by his relationship with Simon and his mother.

Shockingly Simon again said it best: “That’s the problem with all the Pitches and their allies – it’s impossible to tell when they’re up to something and when they’re just being people.”

I sort of expect that the Mage is right, though, based on everything I know and feel about the Old Families. The Humdrum hasn’t directly affected them – or it doesn’t until the hole in Hampshire – meanwhile the Mage “will drive them out of magic.” (Will he though? Or will taxing people who earn over £80k a year not actually affect their lifestyle all that much?)

To be fair, I think the Mage probably thinks that the Old Families are the greater threat as well - they were the threat that he summoned the Greatest Mage to fight – although it’s the threat of the Humdrum that drives him to try and take Ebb’s magic.

I’m not saying that if they cooperated the Mage would have been able to work out what to do about the Humdrum, but their refusal to acknowledge that fighting the threat is important is probably infuriating.

2. He’s alone, overworked, and doesn’t trust anyone

The Mage has the two most important jobs in the World of Mages. It’s strongly implied that these were held by separate people before he took them both. And the reason he took them both is that I doubt he thought anyone else could be trusted, because until he became a political figure, only one person had ever treated him as anything other than a complete lunatic. After that, he gets people like Premal and the Mage’s Men (and Simon and Lucy) who obsessively and unquestioningly follow him, which also can’t be good for him.

He probably wasn’t very old when he worked out how to summon the Greatest Mage, probably 22-23. He doesn’t go to university and took power before he was 30, well before most Normal politicians. (Natasha, obviously, also wasn’t very old, so take that as you will.)

He’s doing two incredibly difficult jobs at a time when there’s a world-level threat (that admittedly he caused, but by accident) as well as a constant political threat. Of course he’s shit at both of them. Of course he didn’t think he could take care of a child on his own while this was happening.

He doesn’t have Dumbledore’s excuse of ‘Old Magic’ keeping Simon safe during the holidays, but I think he probably thinks it’s for the best and doesn’t see many other options when he’s so time-poor himself.

He doesn’t have any friends and never has done, because he’s never valued the personal over the global. He doesn’t have time for friends and family; finds it impossible to forgive the lightest of slights, like Mitali valuing tradition as well as wanting change; and even if he did have time for friends and found someone to be friends with, he wouldn’t be willing to spend time enjoying himself while what he perceived to be injustice was going on. People have headcanon-ed Simon as autistic before; if he is, it’s not impossible he got it from his father.

By the time we see him in ‘Carry On’, I assume the Mage is exhausted and angry and making the worst decisions of his life in an attempt to try and stop the Humdrum from destroying the world.

That doesn’t justify any of them, but I think it puts them into perspective. And for me – it means he is redeemable in an AU if you avert Baz’s kidnapping, which is unforgiveable even if you assume he didn’t know how the numpties would treat him.

It doesn’t mean he will have been a better father to Simon, though. Simon will still have had to have grown up scared and hungry and alone, for the greater good.

So it depends what you think makes a villain.

The end:

This essay was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. It took me some time to write, and presumably longer for you to read than you might have expected, so thank you for getting to this point.

I think that’s probably all I have to say right now. Please read ‘The Mage’s Heir’ and ‘Keep Calm’, if you found this interesting. I’m also turning over a thing in my head where Natasha is still alive, which will almost certainly be a lot gentler than this, because I barely talk here about the good things about Natasha and the Pitches of which there are many. But which will show a lot of the above playing out – like Penny’s roommate just won’t be Trixie anymore.

I hope ‘Any Way the Wind Blows’ has something to say about politics that isn’t just tied to the Mage!

I think it’ll be easier to tell what’s really going on without him being there.

And please, if you live in the UK - even if you want to vote Conservative - register to vote before the 26th of November.

But also - consider not voting Conservative.

#carry on #meta #my meta #my content

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buffylikescoke · 4 years ago

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer #15

Did you even look into his eyes before you placed him in that glass prison? ~ Buffy Summers Angst, revelations and a new art team - this is a yet another strong issue! There's a new big bad in Sunnydale and, of course, his first scene is a big, fat villain speech. Blah blah darkness blah blah suffer blah blah blah. Is Buffy the Vampire Slayer not supposed to laugh at stuff like this? Anyway, Buffy and Robin are on their proper first date at the Sunnydale's botanical gardens. I love how those two are portrayed in this reimagining. In the classic continuity Buffy's romantic relationships always had a theatrical grandiosity to them, as if they were exempt from the postmodern irony otherwise permeating the show. In this issue Buffy greets her date with a hey, dude! and a high-five. It's down to earth and normal in a way none of the classic relationships were, incredibly adorable as well. Buffy and Robin are joined by Kendra and Rose, also there for the terrarium date night. Gay girl(s), botanical garden - if it wasn't obvious enough before Kendra and Rose are officially an item now. Awesome.

Inside the couples are learning how to build terrariums. It's cute, even if Buffy doesn't share Robin's fascination with moss. Fair enough, I mean, it's moss. Buffy's oddly bothered by Rose being involved with somebody else. Robin points out that Willow and Rose weren't exactly married which sends Buffy into a spiral of projection and angst. Robin tries to lighten the mood with a toy dinosaur he names Zeppo but Buffy just gets up and angrily storms out. Suddenly, the garden is attacked by...plant life? Think vines, like in Where the Wild Things Are. The slayers tear and punch through the furious flora but it's not giving up. Buffy notices a little boy seemingly controlling the vines, now assembled into a hulking greenery golem. Kendra knows what they're actually dealing with. She grabs a shovel and goes for the kill but, as she's about to slay the child-shaped beastie, Buffy stops her. Buffy thinks that the boy is being possessed, she goes as far as to tell Kendra I'm in charge here, listen to me! Why, Buffy? Why are you in charge? The demon isn't just waiting for the slayers to stop arguing. It attacks Rose and horribly wounds her. Kendra hurls the shovel into it and makes the shrub Satan scamper. Holding the bleeding Rose, she is understandably livid. Leave us alone! You so badly want to do everything by yourself then go! Go! Brutal. If all of this sounds like Buffy's rapidly losing her mind it's because she probably is. Buffy's been through a lot in last ten issues. Buffy's a teenager. Of course she's not fine.

Rose is taken into an ambulance and Buffy heads home. Robin follows, trying to reassure her. We've spent years discussing the TV show, trying to figure out what is wrong with Buffy - Conversations With Dead People shines some light onto her issues but comes very late into the story. Here, fifteen issues in Robin basically tells us. You've got a real martyr complex going on. Why do you always have to be the victim and the hero? Why do you always have to walk this world alone when you have so many people trying to hold your hand? Why do you ignore another slayer who knows exactly what you're going through - and he just keeps going! You don't like yourself, and Kendra is just the closest thing to you that you've ever met. It's an absolute take down slash therapy session! Finally, Robin flat-out asks Buffy if she loved Xander. Buffy doesn't answer but if her dream from the previous issue is anything to go by she kinda did, no? Which is why what is about to happen will be so painful for Buffy. In his underground abode (big bed, candles, chains, cute little demon servant - it's a proper lair!) the new big bad is hanging out with his two demon girlfriends. It's Xander. A soulless, vampire Xander. Buffy, you're not a plastic toy dinosaur!

#buffy comics #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #buffy summers #Kendra Young #robin wood

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thewhumperinwhite · 4 years ago

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Guardian Angel, part 3

Part One // Part Two

Man this was a nightmare to write cause there are like a dozen great ending-line zingers and none of them happened at the end of the scene. Torturous!!!

TW for: panic attack, reanimated corpse, scars, mild internalized homophobia, mentions of murder and death.

@whumpitywhumpwhump (and hmu if you wanna get tagged in this cause There Will Be More)

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Karim’s fingers are pressed against the front of the boy’s throat, and the boy is looking at him with gentle sorry eyes, and there is no pulse beneath Karim’ fingers.

Karim feels his own heart hammering in his chest, like it’s trying to beat hard enough for both of them.

The boy lowers his hand from Karim’s wrist and Karim snatches his hand back, staring at him. His face and neck feel prickly, alternately hot and cold, and he’s never been this kind of afraid before, like the world is unraveling into something different than he’s always thought it was.

“Why,” Karim says. His eyes are wide but he almost can’t see, like there’s a layer of TV static between him and the harsh yellow light filling the car. His voice sounds raspy and cracked in his own ears. “Why, why isn’t your— why isn’t your heart beating?”

“Y—es,” the dead boy, drawing out the ‘y’ sound, and his voice is too normal, it’s so normal it’s making Karim’s spine tingle and his fingers go numb because he wouldn’t dream a voice like that, not coming from this mangled bloodless corpse, which means this might be real, and he doesn’t know what to do with that. “Yeah, so. Uh.” The boy clears his throat, awkwardly. “So, um, a couple years ago—well, a couple years in the future, for you, I guess, that’s—fuck—shit this is hard.” He shakes his head—Karim sees the movement, thinks that’s what happens from the shifting colors, but he really can’t see, it’s like the car is starting to spin around him. “I didn’t have to explain this to you last time—oh.” The boy moves, shifting closer, his voice softening immediately. “Oh, fuck, baby—listen, it’s okay.”

He reaches out and brushes Karim’s cheek with his dry, cold fingers, and Karim jerks back so hard he topples back out of the passenger seat and smacks his head hard on the dashboard.

“...oh,” the dead boy says. Karim has squeezed his eyes shut and curled into a tight ball with his hand on the back of his head, though honestly the light sting where he just hit it is kind of a relief because at least he understands that.

“Put your head between your knees, honey,” the dead boy says, his voice supremely gentle; to Karim’s immense relief he hasn’t moved any closer. “I’m sorry, I—I know it’s a lot, I forget how, um. Just—Just put your head down— there, like that, and try not to hold your breath.”

The boy’s voice is so soft and reasonable that Karim follows its instructions almost automatically, curling up to tuck his head to his chest and gasping for breath, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his hands on either side of his face. He realizes suddenly that he’s shaking and has no idea how long that’s been the case.

“That’s it, dear,” the dead boy says soothingly. “That’s perfect.” Karim, just catching his breath, looks up at him doubtfully. It’s the second time the boy has called him “dear.”

“Who are you?” Karim says, sharply.

The dead boy meets his eyes, his face very serious.

What he says is, “My name is Art, Karim. In 2017 you’re going to save my life, but I’m here early, this time.” He reaches out and drops his hand on Karim’s shoulder, and Karim is too startled to pull back. “So I’m going to save you, instead.”

Karim gapes at him. “Save me? From what?”

“Okay,” the dead boy—Art—says, still staring into Karim’s eyes, pinning him with the sudden intensity of his gaze. “This—is going to sound completely nuts, but I’m gonna explain it as many times as it takes until you believe me.”

Karim stares at him, searching his filmy eyes for some reason to trust him, or not to. His eyes look—like maybe they were green, once.

“There are—people, in the world,” the dead boy says, like he’s choosing his words very carefully. “Who are—who have—who have changed, until they’re... more, or, or less than human.” He raises his eyebrows a little, like he’s trying to gauge how Karim is taking this. Karim can’t help him because he has no idea how he’s taking it. The boy’s hand is still braced on Karim’s shoulder, and Karim is still letting it stay there, because he can’t feel the boy’s skin through his hoodie and the weight of it is reminding him that this is—probably—actually happening.

When Karim doesn’t respond—and he has no idea what his face is doing, either—the boy goes on. He’s sitting properly on the backseat now, facing Karim; his broken arm is still hanging at his side and his bad leg is—almost crossed under the other one, but not quite in the way a human leg should do that.

“I’m—I was a human like you, but a few years—” He hesitates, makes a face, backtracks a little. “In 2019, I... died.” He looks away when he says that, just for a second, not really like it’s a lie but like he’s leaving a lot out. Karim feels a tremor run down his arm and start his hands shaking and shoves them in his sweatshirt’s pockets, afraid to drop the dead boy’s gaze. “I was dead for three days, give or take.” The boy drops his hand from Karim’s shoulder to gesture vaguely at himself. “Now I’m back but I’m, uh— there’s less of me. Than there was.” He looks back up at Karim, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a little half-smile. It’s—it’s a real person expression. Somehow it makes the panicked beat of Karim’s heart slow down, just a little.

“You with me so far, dear?” Art says, smiling.

Karim, wordlessly, shakes his head, and Art laughs a little, helplessly, and runs his good hand through his messy sandy hair.

“Yeah, that’s fair, actually. Look.”

He looks up at Karim, his hand still pushing his hair out of his face, and the thought rises utterly uninvited in Karim’s dumb useless brain that, dead and cracked-open or not, he’s very handsome.

“Here’s what really matters, for now, Karim,” the dead boy says seriously. “No matter what I am, I’m not going to hurt you. Not ever. I’m going to keep you safe.”

Karim stares at him. It’s an absurd thing to say. It’s an absurd thing to get his heart beating hard again, in a different way than before. “Why?”

Art blinks, like he’s surprised by the question.

“Because I love you,” he says, like it should be obvious.

Karim feels his mouth open and knows he must look very stupid but he can’t seem to close it.

“But I’m not gay,” he says stupidly when he can talk again.

Art blinks, and then he laughs his big pretty laugh again, rocking back in the seat, his broken arm flopping horribly back alongside him.

“Well, fine,” he says, with the crinkly-eyed smile from before, and Karim feels his face heat up immediately, “because that won’t be a going concern for me for another ten years, honey; you’re an absolute fucking fetus.”

Karim is definitely blushing now, his face all uncomfy and hot. “I’m not,” he snaps, “you’re not that much older than me—”

“Being brutally murdered ages you,” Art says, and he’s still laughing when he says it, raising his hand like he’s placating Karim, who immediately feels himself go cold.

“Ah,” Art says, letting his hand drift back down and looking away awkwardly. “I was, uh—gonna wait on that part, maybe.”

“Is—that what happened?” Karim croaks. Art really isn’t much older than he is, maybe a college student, but maybe still a senior. “Is that how you...?” He doesn’t say died, because he physically cannot, and he resists the urge to mouth it like a kid mouthing a bad word because he doesn’t wanna feel any more like a baby than he already does.

Art clears his throat awkwardly, scrubbing at the short hair on the back of his head. “Yeah,” he says softly, his voice a bit rough. “So, that’s part two, I guess. I’m a little less than I was, but there are people who are a little— more, than they used to be, and some of them, uh.” He shrugged. “You know.”

Killed you? Karim doesn’t say. He does stare at Art with his eyebrows raised very high which the dead boy seems to take the same way.

“It happens,” he says awkwardly. Which is an... insane way to talk about your own murder.

Karim... has so many questions he can’t narrow them down to just one, except apparently he can, because what he says is, “How?” which is the last question he actually wanted to ask. Surely that’s—rude, right, you don’t ask a person “Oh, how were you murdered,” that’s gotta be—

“Uh, here,” Art says, and he reaches out his hand, turning it palm up, letting the light hit his upper arm, throwing the pattern of marks there in sharp relief.

They’re clustered around his wrist, where the veins are visible only by shape and not by color: many sets of little circles, all in sets of two, like— snake bites, his brain suggests, and then it supplies helpfully, like fangs. “You can, uh.” Art clears his throat. He sounds— like he’s embarrassed and pretending not to be. “You can see the, um. Marks, still.”

Karim stares Art’s wrist, and his eyes travel involuntarily up the boy’s arm— there are more scars around his inner elbow, disappearing under his t-shirt sleeve, and then reappearing on both sides of his throat. Karim has no idea how many there are, though his still-panicky brain keeps wanting to count them, and he has to try hard to hold it back, until he looks back at the dead boy’s face and sees that he’s looking away, awkwardly, like it’s uncomfortable to be looked at.

Karim stares at him, feeling too many things to sort them all out, pity and confusion and a desperate effort at disbelief. He stares at the fang marks covering the dead boy’s throat, running the boy’s words forwards and backwards in his head to try to get them to mean something other than what he thinks they mean.

“‘More than they were.’ More than human,” Karim says plaintively, looking back at the boy’s pretty dead face. “Are you— I’m sorry. Are you saying there are— vampires?”

The dead boy blinks. Sits back slightly in the seat.

“Huh,” he says, mildly. “That was easier than I thought it’d be.”

#original whump #whump #guardian angel au #undead whumpee #scars #panic attack #time travel whump #I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO TAG THIS......

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charmspoint · 4 years ago

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Got tagged by @autumn-foxfire to do this ask game :3c

Name your top 5 favorite anime/manga! (or cartoons/shows if you’re not into anime and manga)

Here we go!

1. Beastars – Haru is right there in my profile pic you can't expect anything else. The anime is perfectly fine and I adore the op and the ed but it’s the manga where it’s really at. It remains one of the only manga where I could consistently keep up despite not being hugely involved with the fandom and I adore the world, I adore the characters and most of all I adore the expressions. The anime really suffers from having to be pretty and not allowing for the amount of stupid goat faces Louis makes, or Legosi’s puppy excitability or Haru just being a fucking wierdo. The only complaint I have is that I wish the girls got more screen time, they are amazing every time they appear I just wish they had more of a chance to. Especially Juno, Juno really suffered from being just dropped out of the plot. Also one of the lions’ should have been Louis’ age so they could have been gay together, like ye Louis’s ending makes sense but you will never be able to take away ‘I feel more at ease surrounded by male carnivores then with a female herbivore’, just let Louis be gay oh my god, even his fucking dad saw it. Anyway Beastars is great and I love it very much and I am very sad it’s done ;-;

2. Re: Creators – I have very conflicted opinions about this one, despite it being number two. I really owe it an objective rewatch because the second part of it really slapped me in the face with the sudden boatload of fanservice so much that it soured my opinion on it through the rest of the show. Paired with both of my favs getting the short end of the stick in two different ways, by the end of Re Creators I was left with a rather bitter taste in my mouth so I really want to see how it holds up once I know what will happen. So why is it so high up if all I do is complain about it? The first part was just that amazing. It was the first and only time I watched an anime and felt ‘wow this was written for ME, this was written with someone like me in mind’. A story has never felt so personal and so lovingly crafted and I just adored every bit of it and god every time I think about the good aspects of it I want to sit down and rewatch it again to reevaluate the bad. In the end it felt personal, it felt like it was speaking to me and it felt heartfelt and cared for and that for me is something special. Also Magane really needs her own show, like I remember thinking ‘shes izaya but better’ and if that doesn’t scream she needs her own show I don’t know what does. Still bitter at the way they just dropped her at the end my god.

3. Durarara – This one has been a giant in my fandom experience. I wrote my first fanfiction for Durarara and one of very indulgent self-insert stories lead to me roleplaying in private for the first time and the person I roleplayed with eventually introduced me to group roleplay (Blu if ur reading this I love u <3) so it kinda lead to the way I’m mostly active in fandom today and some of my favorite OC’s originated from making Durarara OC’s not to mention Izaya remaining one of my favorite characters ever and someone who I look to whenever I want to make a fun villain. Durarara is a show that is filled with complex human interactions and at some points it really seems like a love letter to humanity. We are all weird, we all have our rich inner lives, even people who look ordinary get up to some stuff you would never have guessed, that’s what it feels like it’s saying. I don’t know there is no objective way to talk about it because it’s been so ingrained in my fandom experience it will simply always remain one of my favorites, no two ways about it. The fics I wrote for Durarara when I was a teen were cringy af and horribly planned but I received so much positive comments and support and I think that always remained a big part of why I kept on writing and why I felt that writing is something that I’m good at. Even now, knowing how bad they were it just motivates me more to keep on improving and whenever I feel down about my writing I always think ‘well people liked that trash and this is better so some people will like this too’. It’s also the reason why I can’t stand cringe culture, honestly I think I’m even more grateful to all the people who saw my baby fics went ‘yikes that’s edgy’ and then didn’t comment, those guys were the real troopers.

4. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki- Kun – number four is where the going gets tough because of my poor memory and differentiating shows I watched, remembered and liked, from shows that left some kind of impact. Nozaki-kun is a dumbass comedy anime/manga and it’s the only manga I can remember ever making me consistently laugh at loud and I feel that that earns it number four spot well enough. The characters are all just lovable and stupid and lovably stupid, and I honestly can’t say there is a pair I dislike. Like it never feels like ‘oh its x character chapter yawn’ it’s always a fun time no matter what the matchup is. I don’t have anything smart to say about it, it makes me laugh, it’s a good time, it doesn’t take itself seriously I love it.

5. Servamp – this really shouldn’t be here because I stopped halfway through the manga and STILL haven’t caught up. But Servamp is the manga that’s constantly on my mind and I never stop thinking ‘man I really should catch up’. The only reason I haven’t is cuz I’m so terribly bad at reading stuff online even though the arc I left off was tense and I really want to know what happened with Tsurugi and Wrath was just given a time to shine and aaaaa one day I’ll catch up. There’s really nothing to say about this show, it’s dumbass vampire shonen and I’m really not sure why I like it so much. The character designs are fun and on point and anime is kinda horrible CUZ THEY DIDN’T PUT IN A WHOLE ARC WHO DOES THAT, but the op is delightfully edgy and the ed is a shameless high school theater style rip off of the kekkai sensen sen ed which is just amazing in how bad and awkward it is. This ed is such awkward dumb trash and I somehow just love it more for it, like it’s so bold about being a trashy rip off, bby what is you doing. Honestly I can’t say anything objective about this series cuz it’s been so long since I actually read it but it lives in my head rent free and that must count for something. Slaps gold star on.

I feel like I should also mention Bnha cuz its the fandom I’m most active in but hvhjvj I mostly like the fanside of BNHA rather than the show itself. For the show itself i think its good with some great moments but that’s about it. I’m just here for fan shit cuz hori made such a wonderful sandbox.

Imma tag @megacarapa @prince-liest @viiyverns-den @livie-stark @lanamnesis and honestly whoever else wants to do this because i dont feel like doing so many tags anymore, i just have a lot of people whos answers i’m interested in uwu

#damn i rant so much #do i have a tag for my stuff #lucy rants #now i do

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ezekielbhandarivalleros · 4 years ago

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The Messed-Up Kiss Bet

Characters: Logan, Colt Kaneko, Mona and Toby

Summary: Logan takes Colt’s bet of not being able to kiss him for a full day seriously, can Logan last a full day? Can he?

Fourth Chapter of Gay Bad Boys Series

I sighed for what could have been the hundredth time that day, I didn't keep count anymore. I let out a frustrated puff of air, causing Colt to lightly chuckle against my neck. If only he knew the things he did to me...scratch that, he most certainly did know how each one of his seemingly small actions affected me.

"Colt..." I said in a warning tone as his lips lightly grazed my neck.

"Logan." He said simply, his mouth turning upwards into a crooked smile against my neck. I closed my eyes in frustration wishing he would stop his pointless little game. He'd been doing this all day, a bet really between the both of us. Well I didn't mean for it to be taken seriously, but apparently he thought otherwise.

"Please" My voice came out as a whisper causing Colt to stop momentarily from his attack on my neck, it had only lasted a few moments though before he resumed again, ignoring my plea with a small smile. I rolled my eyes, that almost always worked.

"Colt...I don't like this game anymore!" I huffed, crossing my arms in a childish manner. Edward chuckled, pulling away from my neck slightly to look into my eyes.

"It hasn't even been eight hours yet love, can't you live at least half a day without one?" He murmured quietly, kissing my cheek lightly.

"Technically you just broke your own rule, you just kissed me." I pointed out his mistake, hoping that now he would finally just kiss me on the mouth...this game, bet, whatever, it was stupid.

Colt let out a laugh, rolling over onto his back so that I was now lying on top of him. "Nice try, but that doesn't count." He stated as if it was a real rule.

I thought back to how this stupid bet thing started in the first place, I was just joking with him. We had been kissing on my bed...I wouldn't exactly call it 'making out' since he almost never let me go farther than running my fingers through his hair. And I had just jokingly bet that he couldn't go a day without kissing me, and of course since he's Colt, he took my bet as real.

Ugh, me and my stupid words trying to make myself sound sexy...thinking back now I don't even know why that sounded sexy in my head in the first place.

Suddenly an idea struck me; it was brilliant, well not really... I actually don't know why I hadn't thought of it earlier. I would just kiss him, easy as that.

But of course things are always easier said than done, especially when there's a vampire involved. I smiled and turned my gaze back to Colt, who looked as though he was trying not to laugh at what I could only imagine was my blank looking façade I had on for the last few minutes while I thought to myself.

"Alright, you win." I stated simply. Colt raised one eyebrow in amusement and what looked a little like confusion also.

"I win." He repeated.

"Yep." I fake yawned, as I rolled on top of him again, nuzzling my face against his cold neck.

"Now if you don't mind I would like to go to sleep now." I said as I closed my eyes.

"Logan, its two in the afternoon." I heard his muffled voice say, with what sounded like a hint of confusion added to it.

"Well sorry if someone kept me up all night." I said accusingly, lifting my face up from his chest to look at him. His brows furrowed worriedly as his eyes flashed with a hurt and guilty emotion.

"Logan, I'm sorry you should have tol—"I put a finger to his lips cutting him off. Now was my chance, when he was feeling bad. I knew it was kind of harsh, but I wanted to win at something against him for once, and playing dirty was a needed asset to complete that goal.

"I know how you can make it up to me." I whispered, removing my finger from his lips. His eyes lit up as he cupped my face gently with his hand.

"How?" He asked eagerly. I didn't answer; instead I just leaned forward very fast, even for me. I closed my eyes waiting to finally feel his lips on mine. Instead I just kept leaning further forward until my face hit something very soft and feathery, definitely not Colt's chest. I opened my eyes to see all white, and let out a frustrated growl into the now recognized pillow.

"Nice try. You really are a conniving little woman Mr.Troublemaker" Colt's voice came from behind me. I sat up, crossing my legs and arms as I stared at him with a scowl on my face.

"I'm older then you." I stuck my tongue out childishly. I cut him off as he opened his mouth to retort. "Physically" I added quickly.

He smiled lightly and before I knew what was going on my back was once again pressed back against the bed as he hovered over me.

"That you are..." He seemed to trail off, or I just didn't hear the rest of what he was saying. My mind was too clouded from the touch of his lips on my neck and slowly trailing upwards towards my cheek and finally to the very corner of my lips, but not enough to be actually touching them.

"Now you're just teasing me!" I complained, this was totally unfair.

Colt chuckled. "Am I now? And what were you doing just a few minutes ago?"

"That wasn't teasing, that was what you call strategy." I stated. Logan rolled his eyes at my theory.

"More like manipulating." He murmured under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear. I lightly pushed his arms away and sat up, turning my back towards him.

"Logan..?" His voice came from behind me, sounding slightly panicky. Probably thinking that what he said actually hurt my feelings.

I faked dramatic sigh before speaking. "I guess I'll just have to go find someone who is willing to kiss me then." I acted...horribly of course, but at least Colt would know that I didn't mean any of it. I heard a light growl from behind me and the next thing I knew I was being pulled back by two cold arms.

"Over my dead body." Colt growled softly into my ear, his lips pressing hard against the hollow of my neck. I giggled lightly before speaking again.

"Colt you can't die." I stated the obvious.

"Over the dead body of anyone who ever dares to even try to kiss you." He corrected for himself for me, his arms pulling me closer against his chest. I laughed quietly to myself, this was fun. I wonder if I could drive him over the edge, make him break and forget about the bet.

I sighed again. "I'm sure MC or Mona would be willing if I asked them." I said to myself loud enough for him to hear.

Colt tightened his grip around me, but not tight enough to hurt me. "Not funny Logan." He growled lightly into my ear.

I huffed in agitation...this obviously wasn't working. I tried again anyway.

"Or Toby, I'm sure he'd would just lov—"

I didn't even have time to finish my sentence or even breathe since before I could even think I found myself lying down, again, with Edward on top of me. This time with his lips roughly against mine. I smiled into the kiss; obviously he did go for the bait.

I closed my eyes as I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers fisting his hair as I pulled him closer. He pulled away abruptly, I opened my eyes in disappointment, thinking he would say we were about to go too far again. Except that wasn't what he said.

"I will never let anyone kiss you ever again." He said menacingly, referring to the Leah (MC) incident a few months ago. I cringed at the memory; never would I let anything like that ever happen again either.

"Your mine." His voice once again interrupted my thoughts as I looked up into his topaz eyes; I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by his voice again.

"I know it's selfish, I know that. I know that I don't deserve you...and, I know you don't actually belong to me. But I...I, belong to you Logan Even if you ever change your mind about me, leave me, hate me..."

I tried to open my mouth to tell him that I couldn't possibly ever hate him, but he silenced me with a finger to my lips.

"I am yours, more then you'll ever be mine...and that's all I need. I've told you before that I'd be happy with me just having even a part of you, and I meant it." He kissed me lightly on the lips again.

"..." I whispered his name as I cupped his chin and turned him to look at me, this was not what I had expected.

"You silly Bad boy." I smiled before I continued.

"First of all, I could never hate you, no matter what so I don't know why you would even mention that." I sighed and continued before I he could speak.

"And I want to be yours, and only yours. Forever, eternity, till the end of time, whatever." I tried to explain...though not very well. What would I have to say to have him believe that I only wanted him and no one else?

"Colt...I am yours, I guess in a way I always was...I just didn't know it yet." I smiled...wow that sounded cheesy but oh well; I think I was getting my point across.

"And I can't believe you think I would ever even consider changing my mind or leaving you!" I poked his hard chest, hurting my finger more then I actually hurt him, if at all.

"Logan.."

I cut him off again. "I agreed to marry you, change for you, and I'm never going to change my mind about any of that." I finished as I gave him a hard look, trying to get my point across of just how much I loved him.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me, a lot more passionately this time. I felt his tongue enter my mouth and I gasped in surprise, he never let it go this far. I closed my eyes in bliss, slowly turning red...from embarrassment or lack of air, I wasn't completely sure nor did I care.

Colt seemed to sense that I needed to breathe and pulled away, kissing his way down my neck.

"Logan Logan Logan..." He murmured, almost so fast that I couldn't understand what he had said. He placed a kiss to my collar bone as I took another deep breath.

"You'll never know how much I love you..." he whispered just loud enough for me to hear. I sighed in frustration, like he could actually love me more than I did him, impossible is what it was.

"Not possible to love me more then I love you." I voiced my thought to him and felt him smile against my skin, choosing not to retort but instead place another cool kiss to my collar bone.

"So this means I win." I said after a few silent minutes passed he lifted his head from where it was resting on my chest. He leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips.

"This is a bet that I am happy to lose." He stated simply against my lips. I rolled my eyes at his answer.

"What? So you meant to lose?" He smiled at the question.

"Maybe I did." He answered. I huffed in annoyance; he was turning it around again!

"I think you're the conniving and manipulative one." I murmured to myself, causing him to laugh lightly against my lips.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down closer. "Just promise me this." Colt looked at me, his eyes turning serious.

"Anything." He stated simply, staring at me with a confused look.

"Don't ever do a bet like this again. I don't want to waste one minute not kissing you." I said, bringing my lips to his again. He immediately responded, kissing me even harder than usual pushing the back of my head deeper into the pillow, but I didn't mind.

"We have an eternity of kisses ahead of us love, don't worry." Colt said after pulling away slightly, smiling that crooked smile I loved so.

"Eternity" I repeated staring at him. He leaned his forehead against mine, pecking me quickly.

"Eternity, love." He assured me again before crashing his lips against mine once again.

An eternity of kisses like this...

I could get used to that. " Logan said braking the bet

My Taglist Ask to be removed or added @princessemberphoenix @daddyethanramsey @idontknowhatiamdoinghere @simp-for-villains @jamespotterthefirst @everythingchoices @edwardstanno1 @somewillwin @ajstarfury @tyrilsnightbloom @tyrilstarfury @tyril-simp @lumpyspaceprincessismybitch @adrianadmirer @princess-geek @rodappreciationweek @misss-maidy-laddy @neelanwyb @beccaislove @starrystarrytrouble @thechoicesforrealin @gamechoices-player

#logan x colt #choices #playchoices #ride or die

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malkaviansyndromes · 5 years ago

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i was inspired by quimton so i did the 93 question meme for lestat :)

1. What is their gender? male, but like, gay rat male

2. What is their sexuality? men

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames? it’s from iwtv, which he never read, he was an edgy goth weirdo and thought it sounded cool. erin calls him a rat but he doesn't have any actual nicknames

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger? Which sibling are they the closest with? he doesn't have any siblings but will try to adopt younger friends as "siblings" 5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives? when he was alive his relationship with his dad was...Not great. aside from his mom he didn't talk to his family. his sire is dead lol

6. What would they give their life for? his friends or husband probably, if it had to be anything

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet? yes! he's in a relationship with märchen and has been for a while; mär found him shortly after his embrace and made sure he was accepted into the camarilla rather than getting axed for being an illegitimate fledgling.

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? he has no idea and doesn't really want to think about it

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal? probably some sort of hideous tie between black and pastel pink. he likes cats

10. What are some of their talents/skills? he can draw, and also has a decent head for computer science and math

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be? he would want to either be part of some massive political change to keep people from suffering, or solve the problem of quantum gravity

12. How old are they? When is their birthday? 23! he was born on march 5th

13. What do they do for fun? video games. eat a bunch. annoy his friends. he's a simple man

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it? cheeseburgers...his husband lets him eat food any time he wants even though it's disgusting and bad for him since he's a vampire

15. What was something their parents taught them? nothing really specific beyond to be the terrible way he is now

16. Are they religious? sort of?

17. Where were they born? illinois unfortunately

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages? english is his native language. he took french in high school and lost most of it, and has tried to pick up a little german from his husband and online. he knows a pitiful amount of japanese but only out loud, surprisingly not from anime so much as listening to tons of japanese music with subs

19. What is their occupation? idiot. he does odd jobs for the anarchs and helps with their computer shit sometimes

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them? nope

Personality: 21. What is their favorite thing about their personality? that he cares about shit

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality? he has bad self esteem so a lot of things

23. Do they get lonely easily? YES but he's also a bit of a hermit socially

24. Do you know their MBTI type? no i used to

25. What is their biggest flaw? probably having a bad temper and making snap judgements

26. Are they aware of their flaws? So Much All The Time

27. What is their biggest strength? he's pretty empathetic

28. Are they aware of their strengths? he denies they exist

29. How would they describe their own personality? "awful little animal"

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”? freeze probably, but flight if that doesn't count as an answer

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this? yes, for pretty much anyone he likes even a little, and very very frequently

32. What is their self esteem like? BAD

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it? losing the people he cares about. he would Give Up On Life if he was alone

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives? weird little guy who is extremely paranoid but simultaneously too trusting. he tries to ignore his misgivings to give people the benefit of the doubt, doesn't always end well for him

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them? don't listen to anything he says. if he's being ignored in a conversation he will be furious

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous. "penis music," basically any joke about communism, horribly deep fried memes

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it? he says it easily and a often, but not without meaning it unless he wants to feel guilty enough to vomit

38. What do others admire most about their personality? erin says "his friendly personality and jokes and level head when it comes to important things"

39. What does their happily ever after look like? having a normal life without being afraid of poverty or being alone

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual? probably erin and märchen, so yes

Physical Profile: 41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh? he cackles like an awful little witch every once in a while

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance? his anime heterochromia

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance? looking like he's 12

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars? he has a scar on his eyebrow from when he was 2 and tried to climb a bookshelf and it fell on him and he had to get stitches. also....some less funny ones

45. How would they describe their own appearance? "bad" or “sexy” no in between

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions? he can express them well but hates to do it. he is way too good at hiding them

47. What’s their pain tolerance like? he's a little wimpy but trudges through it

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos? no tats!

49. Do they have any piercings? just his ears

50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing? we would both call it "hot topic dumpster dive"

51. What is their height? Weight? 5'0", haha that's secret

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc? a little round and chubby

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone? his hair is actually a light golden brown but he dyes it black. his eyes are grey-blue (he doesn't always like the color) but one of them is red now due to damage during his embrace. he's pale as fuck

54. What is their current hairstyle? What have been some of their past hairstyles? Which was their favorite hairstyle? current hairstyle is a very short half-buzzed kind of thing, which he likes best. he's also had it normal short. up until he was like 16 or 17 he had it very long

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers? PITIFUL, he's an extreme lightweight. cuddly drunk or sad drunk. his threshhold for hangovers is high but they're abysmal when he gets them

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?) he smells like cheap soap and cigarette smoke thanks to being in the last round often. sometimes he wears body sprays

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin? a lot of complicated ways. unfortunately he has had sex and will do it again

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute? his height, he's VERY short

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF? he has just a little bit of RBF but mostly neutral

60. Describe the way they sleep. he steals all the blankets and is a sleep cuddler. he refuses to put his nine fucking thousand stuffed animals anywhere but ON his bed

Environment: 61. Which season is their favorite season? he says summer up until it's actually summer. he likes spring and fall

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others? yeah, he's had some complicated experiences with friends and family. he isn't always trusting but usually consciously decides to trust anyway because he generally thinks it's irrational not to without a reason. this often backfires on him

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile? his friends or husband cracking jokes

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily? yes and yes, at least when he was alive. he had reynaud's syndrome when he was alive so he got dangerously cold in his hands and feet Very easily

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick? he's dead now so he doesn't get sick at all, but when he was alive he would generally try to plod through it until he couldn't anymore

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there? los angeles. sort of? big cities are exciting to him, but only to visit, so living in one 24/7 is probably driving him crazy (or crazier)

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room? he tries to keep things a LITTLE tidy but generally every space he maintains on his own is some level of disastrously disorganized

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality? his parents were broke, so in terms of environment, being anywhere much swankier than a lower middle class house makes his eyes fall out of his head

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality? he was raised to tough it out and show as little emotion as possible in regards to All Life which is the real reason he treats absolutely everything like a joke

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets? he loves animals. his husband has a ghoul cat that violently hates both of them

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any? he's okay with them, but a little awkward. he would rather jump off a cliff than have any though

72. Would they rather have stability or comfort? he'd rather have somewhere to turn to than live in a stable environment if the stability was along the lines of "everything is consistently uncomfortable"? i don't really get this question lol

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors? indoors a little but he does still like the outdoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms? very sunny weather (sad for a vampire). he does like snow and rain, but only if he can stay in

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? he'd probably draw his husband lol

76. How organized are they? he has never been and will never be anything even remotely close to organized

77. What is their most prized possession? the teddy bear his mother passed down to him from when she was a kid

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend? erin :3

79. What is their economic situation? not great. he's very broke; his husband has a little more money than he does and helps support him, but the two of them have to watch their pennies for sure. lestat usually lives with his husband but stays at his own abysmal apartment/haven on occasion just for vampire paranoia safety reasons.

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl? night owl, which is lucky for him

Miscellaneous: 81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood? not blood on its own, no

82. What is their handwriting like? extremely messy

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim? he can swim okay. he really likes it

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best? wrath probably

85. Do they believe in ghosts? he would have to be stupid not to at this point

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays? with food, usually, which makes his being a vampire kind of difficult. he likes to celebrate birthdays with presents and cake. if he and his husband weren't vampires he'd bake mär a cake every year

87. What is something they regret? probably the way he acted when he was in the camarilla, it wasn't particularly pretty because he was very, VERY upset about his embrace. he regrets having to have killed people to escape, and also regrets the weirdness of having to let go of most of his mortal friends

88. Do they have an accent? if you consider boring midwestern nothing voice an accent. 89. What is their D&D alignment?

chaotic good 90. Are they right or left handed? right handed

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be? there are so many tweets in the world. probably the one about revving your motorcycle and lying dead on the pavement

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif. why would you assume i have enough of these on hand to do that?

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said? he says stupid shit all the time it's hard to know

#ask to tag? i don't think it gets too heavy

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bigskydreaming · 6 years ago

Text

AU where in the first season of each of their respective shows, Scott McCall and Tyler Lockwood run into each other after they both skip town and go off on their own because literally every other werewolf they know is an asshole. And like, granted, Tyler’s an asshole too at that point, but in a ‘he’ll grow out of it’ kinda way, and I mean...enter Scott McCall. Hashtag Growth happens immediately for both. Tyler’s like “No dude, you gotta be more selfish. Look out for number one, you know?”

Scott squints. “I’m number one?” He says slowly, in classic ‘I’m the hot girl?’ tone and cadence, as though the idea has never occurred to him before.

“You’re totally number one, champ,” Tyler says affirmatively, because like...he has eyes, and also has known Scott for longer than five minutes now and thus its pretty obvious that this is in fact true. Also, Tyler is at this point still the kind of asshole who says things like “champ”, and like....not even in an ironic way.

Then the next day Tyler’s an asshole to someone who doesn’t deserve it and Scott looks at him sadly.

“I don’t know how to tell you this dude, but like, you gotta care about other people,” he says. Tyler frowns. Contemplates this.

“Okay,” he says and shrugs, and its pretty much that simple because I mean, he legit literally just needed someone to tell him that. Have you met his parents? They’re AWFUL. I mean they were. Haha, they died. I mean oh no. Much sadness.

They form their own pack and its awesome and eventually that gay werewolf dude from The Originals, Aiden, joins up with them - but only because he brings his vampire boyfriend Josh along with him. I don’t really care about Aiden, but Josh was cool, ergo, I guess Aiden can stay. What is it with white werewolf dudes named Aiden anyway? There are other names, guys. Branch out. Live a little.

They then go to Canada for awhile and run into the werewolves from Bitten.

“Yeah, this seems like a whole mess,” Tyler says, gesturing vaguely in a way meant to encompass every fucked up thing that is wrong with the werewolves in the world of Bitten.

“I just remembered I left the stove on. Sorry, we gotta go,” Scott says, backing away slowly. Their pack turns and leaves *vague hand gestures* All That behind.

They then go to New York and meet the Shadowhunters and Downworlders. Shenanigans ensue, and in the process, they wind up in like, Valentine’s dungeons where they stumble across and rescue Luke Garroway.

“Wait, aren’t you that werewolf cop?” Josh asks, confused. Luke frowns.

“What? Why the hell would I be a cop? Oh, you must mean that doppelganger Valentine hired to be me to keep any of my old Shadowhunters allies or Clary’s mom to look for me. Wait, he’s a cop? Man, FUCK that guy.”

“Fuck doppelgangers, dude,” Tyler agrees, nodding sagely. Scott cocks an eyebrow at him in query.

“They just really suck,” Tyler says, with feeling. Scott nods. Well okay then. Fuck doppelgangers.

Luke joins their pack and the novelty of knowing an adult werewolf who doesn’t completely suck isn’t wearing off any time soon. Who knew that was a thing? They begin to have hope that being a werewolf isn’t synonymous with turning into a douchebag on your twenty-first birthday. Especially Tyler. He like literally JUST un-douchefied himself.

They then go wherever the fuck that show The Gates was set. There’s a whole pack there, and they don’t seem completely awful, but then there’s this one werewolf kid named Brett. Scott goes still.

“Do you have a twin brother?” He asks Brett. Brett scowls.

“What the fuck kind of a question is that? No.”

“Oh, sorry,” Scott says. “It’s just you look a lot like this guy I knew back home, Jackson.”

“Well I’m not him and I don’t have a twin brother,” Brett says with unnecessary aggression that is doing nothing to assuage comparisons to Jackson. Like, chill. It was just a question.

“Oh no! He must be a doppelganger! Sorry, we have to go, we left the water running in the sink,” Tyler yells, standing up and sweeping Scott off his feet and over one shoulder while hollering over the other as he runs off into the night. The rest of their pack look at each other in confusion, shrug, and run after them. Because like, that probably means something, they figure. The Gates pack stares after them with varying expressions of wtf.

“Fucking weirdos,” Brett scoffs then. He goes back to being just The Worst Ever.

Then they wind up in Seattle, where they meet the roommates from Being Human. The American version obviously, I mean, not to be US centric but they’re not going to fucking London just to run into more werewolves, An American Werewolf in London honestly just wasn’t good enough to justify the endless jokes about American werewolves going to London, like, get over it already, let it go.

Werewolf Josh is decent enough. They consider inviting him to join their pack. Then his vampire roommate Aidan gets home, and he’s like, a whole serial killer and a half. So.

“Oh no, I left an unwrapped burrito from 7-11 in the microwave, its gonna go bad!” Vampire Josh shouts in horror, throwing Scott over one shoulder, Tyler over the other, sweeping his boyfriend up in his arms bridal style and then backing into Luke until the older man sighs, hates everything, makes plans to buy a gas-economical SUV because being a werewolf suburban soccer mom is still less undignified than being given piggy back rides by their token vampire when he runs out of arms and shoulders. Then Josh sprints all the way outside the Seattle city limits before stopping and dropping his passengers off as the rest of their pack gathers around them.

“What was wrong with this one?” Asks Tommy Dawkins, the werewolf from Big Wolf on Campus. He and Scott make up the pack’s “Wholesome Jocks In Recovery Post Asshole BFF-endectomy” club. Luke told all the teens that home-schooling was fine, but they still needed extracurriculars. This was not what he had in mind, but well. Baby steps.

“Terrible judge of character,” Scott explains. “Has philosophical debates with his vampire roommate about said vampire roommate’s triple digit body count.”

“Ahh.”

“Am I the only vampire who isn’t just ‘oh look at me, I can go homicidal at the drop of a hat and kill scores of people and then click my heels together and go whoops, all better now, man, THAT was a bad decade for me, huh?’ Am I? AM I?” Josh wails, hiccuping between sobs. Like all vampires, he is very pretty 90% of the time, but he’s a super ugly crier. It’s wonderfully humanizing. Gross, and like, dude gets snot everywhere, but there is an Official Pack Rule. Nobody tell Josh about the ugly crying. Plus, its just a cheap shot, you know? Its not his fault 99% of other vampires use their Pretty for evil.

“Josh,” Tyler says solemnly, putting his arms on both the vampire’s shoulders and looking him gravely in the eye. “I hate to have to tell you this, but I think that like. Yeah. You might just be...The One.”

“Wait no, I heard about this one vampire who’s supposed to not be awful? Down in LA I think,” says Mark, from Lost Girl. He’s not actually a werewolf, he’s a shapeshifter who turns into a black panther. They ran into his dad first, a werewolf named Dyson, but they all sensed he was Horrible within the first five seconds. Except before Luke could say he forgot to feed his goldfish, they gotta go, they bumped into Dyson’s non-awful bisexual panther teenage son and well like. They had to save him from the Horrible then. Like, technically they kidnapped him? Whatever, all their role models were terrible people.

Josh looks up, hopeful. He rubs at his face with his forearm but doesn’t really clean up the snot so much as get it everywhere. Several werewolves wince and look away politely. Mark is scrolling through something on his phone, seemingly oblivious.

“Did you seriously just leave that on a cliffhanger?” Luke scolds. Mark looks up belatedly.

“What? Oh, no. Its just supposedly he only has a soul sometimes, and when he has a soul he’s supposed to be like, a pretty decent guy, but when he doesn’t have a soul, he’s like....a maniacal ax murderer on murder-steroids. Its this whole thing apparently. I follow this demon on twitter who owns a bar down there. He posts weekly updates on whether or not the guy has his soul this week....calls it Soulwatch. I guess the last couple times the dude didn’t have his soul he almost ended the world or something? So anyway, lotta people like updates on that, since I guess he and that vampire are good buds or whatever.”

“He doesn’t have a soul sometimes?” Tyler scowls skeptically. “That sounds fake.”

“Do you have a soul?” A nameless werewolf extra from True Blood asks Josh.

Josh hiccups and gropes around at his chest, frowning.

“I think so? Nobody ever told me I might not, I don’t know. Like I mean, I feel like I have a soul, I’m pretty sure?”

“He clutches his stomach and goes ‘ow my heart’ when that Sarah McLachlan commercial with the sad puppies comes on TV,” his boyfriend says helpfully.

“That’s not where the heart is....” someone starts to say, but they’re quickly shushed. Scott, Tommy and Luke are all clutching their stomachs and nodding in understanding. Tyler rubs his temples.

“Josh, you have a soul. You literally burst into song every time you see a baby smile, and last month you guilt-tripped us all into volunteering with you at that pediatric hospital which means we heard nothing but you singing showtunes and Christmas carols for an entire week straight. In July. Mark, does your demon twitter follower say this vampire has his soul this week or not? Are we going to LA next? And someone please hit me for having to utter that sentence in the first place, it’ll make me feel better, please just do it.”

Sophia Donner, the only decent werewolf from the almost entirely werewolf-populated town of Wolf Lake, helpfully kicks him in the shin.

“What?” Mark looks up again, baffled. “Dude, he doesn’t follow ME on twitter, are you kidding? He has like, six hundred thousand twitter followers.”

“Really? Why so many?” Tommy asks.

“He has this thing where he can like, see your future or your aura or some shit like that when you sing. So karaoke night at his bar is always packed with lots of A-List celebs obsessed with the occult. Its like, impossible to get into cuz of that unless you know someone, but it means everyone who’s anyone in Hollywood follows him on twitter and is always trying to hit him up and get on the list, and so like, of course all their followers follow him too even if they don’t know why everyone follows him, they just figure obviously he must be someone important?”

“Ahh.”

“People,” Tyler barks. “Focus.”

He looks around for Scott, wondering why the hell he’s the only one trying to get a handle on this. He eventually finds Scott at the edge of their little gathering. Fucker’s holding up his cell phone and recording everything. He shoots Tyler a thumbs up and mouths “You’re doing amazing, sweetie” at him. Tyler would be pissed, but like, he was the one who made it his mission to get Scott to occasionally be more of a selfish asshole specifically so....nah. Fuck it. He was gonna be pissed anyway.

“Ummm,” Mark hedges some more, still scrolling through his phone. He frowns then, and shoots Josh an apologetic glance. “Sorry. Looks like he’s soulless again this week.”

Scott decides to intervene then, looking suddenly concerned. “Uh...does that mean he might maybe almost destroy the world again? Should we go to LA anyway and like...I dunno. Try and help?”

“Help who?” Tyler demands, throwing up his arms in exasperation at the whole day. This is what he gets for getting out of bed, like. Ever. Nothing good comes from getting out of bed. When will he learn?

“I don’t know. Don’t get testy with me,” Scott bites out testily. “The people. Who try and...stop him from destroying the world? Obviously world’s not destroyed so somebody must have stopped him the last couple times which means someone’s probably trying to stop him this time too.”

“Or he could just be really bad at it,” Tommy suggests.

“Nope, we’re good,” Mark interrupts, still on his phone. “It says they’ve got him magically locked up in some hotel so he can’t go anywhere while they wait for their witch friend to bring his soul back and put it in him. I guess after the last time they put like, a low-jack spell on it so if it went missing again it’d just go straight to her, since she’s the only one good at putting it back anyway.”

“Well then,” Tyler says after a moment or two to digest the concept of a low-jacked soul. “That was a super efficient tangent. Are we all good here now at least? Can we move on and like....go somewhere not within range of a serial killer vampire who’s probably miffed at us for being rude and committing some hospitality faux pas?”

Josh sniffs and rubs at his face again, this time with more success. “Yeah, sorry. I’m all good now.”

“Well I’m not,” Aiden yells out then, apparently taking the all-clear on his boyfriend’s issue as a go ahead to vent his own drama. “Am I the only Aiden who isn’t just a complete asshole??”

“I mean, you’re kinda an asshole sometimes too,” Sophia says, idly chewing a nail.

“Not helpful, Soph,” Scott scolds gently. She shrugs.

“Wasn’t trying to be.”

“Let’s start a pack, you said,” Tyler growls, glaring daggers at his co-alpha. Scott smirks back without remorse. “It’ll be good for us, you said. There’s probably lots of other teen wolves in the same boat as us, you said. Shouldn’t we help them, you said.”

“I did say all that,” Scott agrees. He saunters off, you know, like an asshole.

Two weeks later they’re not far from LA. The vampire has his soul this week and everyone wants to go celeb-watching at the demon dude’s karaoke night. Luke knows a guy who can get them in, apparently. They stop to help a hitchhiking teenage werewolf in trouble because like, Scott has a sixth sense for that shit.

“So what’s your name?” Tyler asks the kid.

“Derek Hale,” he says, and Tyler squints. Why does that name sound familiar. Next to him, Scott hisses like an angry cat. Oh. Right. That.

“You’re not Derek Hale,” Scott accuses, and the kid bristles right back at him. Tyler watches, bemused. Was this a Beacon Hills thing? Or did all of them look like that when having like....what was this, a territorial pissing match? Angsty backstory showdown? What was even happening here, exactly?

“I think I would know, dickface.”

“Look, I’ve met Derek Hale, and he’s like, twenty five, and an asshole,” Scott says. “You can’t be Derek Hale, because you’re like, fifteen, and adorable.”

“Fuck you, I’m seventeen, and fuck you more, I’m not adorable, I will fucking rip your throat out with my teeth, dickface.”

“See? I’m supposed to be quaking in my shoes right now but all I wanna do is pat you on the head and hug you and feed you, because that was adorable,” Scott says, pointing at him. “Ergo, you can’t be Derek Hale, because all I ever wanted to do to that dude was kick him in the nuts for being an asshole who’s all like breaking into my house to tell me we’re brothers now or whatever the fuck that was all about, and then breaking my arm and trashing my phone two seconds later.”

The kid goes quiet. Squints at him. “Wait. Is your name Scott McCall?”

Scott frowns deeper and folds his arms across his chest, shifting awkwardly. He has trouble maintaining his like, Righteous Ire even when he’s definitely in the right, and adorable kid being adorable and no longer even aggressive was making his temper go bye-bye. Ugh, rude. Scotty Rage was hot, and all too rare. Tyler officially hated this kid. Why does he never get to have nice things?

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

The kid fidgets, sullen. “Heard about you. I told you, I am Derek Hale. I just got like, magically de-aged by my pedo ex-girlfriend who’s now even more pedo and creepier and like...whatever, I don’t even know what the fuck that was all about but like yeah. Apparently older me was a huge douchebag and your name came up as proof of his douchebaggery and I booked it awhile ago because like, nobody could figure out how to turn me back and I figured if I gotta be seventeen again at least I’m gonna be seventeen somewhere where people don’t all think I’m a douchebag because of what older not!me Derek the Dickhead did. You know?”

“Not even a little bit,” Tyler says.

“Kinda,” Scott says. He gnaws his lip. “That sucks. Well. You hungry? We were about to go get some dinner. Wanna come with?”

Derek the Littler Dick stares at him before shooting Tyler an incredulous glance. “Is he for real?”

“Unfortunately,” Tyler deadpans. Scott frowns defensively.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dude, you just hated me like ten whole seconds ago.”

“I didn’t know who you were ten seconds ago,” Scott shrugs, as though that explains everything. Problem is, in his head it probably did. Freak, Tyler thinks affectionately.

“Yeah but now you do know who I am and now you know I’m someone you hate? So....?”

“No, you used to be someone I hate,” Scott explains slowly, as if to a small child. “You said it yourself, you’re not really him. Besides, I decided I’m over it anyway.”

“You decided you’re....over it. Anyway.” LDD repeats, breaking it down slowly. As if to a small child. Oh, this is going to be amazing, isn’t it. The other half of Tyler’s future home entertainment gifts him with another incredulous look, like, are you sure this guy is for real? Tyler nods in confirmation.

“He’s just...like that. It’s so weird.”

“Fine,” Derek huffs at last, over aggressively because why stray from a theme, yeah? “But this better not be some fucked up elaborate revenge plan for older me being a dick or like...”

“You’ll rip my throat out with your teeth,” Scott says dryly. The kid sulks.

“Well of course it sounds lame when you say it like that.”

“You still have baby fat,” Scott tells him. Derek shifts into an enraged were-porcupine.

“I so the fuck do not!”

“You have like, chubby little baby werewolf chipmunk cheeks.”

“Asshole!”

“I know you are but what am I?”

“That’s so stupid! You’re so stupid! What are you, twelve?”

“No, that’s you. Look in a mirror, short stuff.”

“Oh god,” Tyler despairs, staring after the two of them walking off towards the rest of the pack. “They’re brothers now.”

#kalen writes crack fic sometimes #look i dont know what this is #i just know it was in my brain #so now its here

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manifestoonmoralmanlove · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 7 – Stalking? No, slut dads who slutted each other.

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband. In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England. Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag. She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon. He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok. Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything. Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government. She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it. Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.

Alexia is also going north to help her husband with a crew crafted for a comedy. and oh boy I can’ts wait.

Chapter 7 – Stalking? No, slut dads who slutted each other.

Tunstell has been poisoned! So Alexia and LeFoux tell him to puke. Ivy gets really offended that they asked him to puke. Like it was actually kinda shocking how nasty Ivy gets about this. Ivy insults Alexia, and laughs condescendingly while saying it’s just regular old food poisoning. Like that’s pretty fucking cold Ivy damn.

I know this is supposed to be a comedy of ~manners~ this hubbub is because it’s gross and ~untoward.~ But a secret part of me wants to believe that Ivy is pissed at Tunstell for giving her feels and wants him to suffer.

Also I love how Alexia and LeFoux just TELL him to puke, and when Tunstell is like…what? How? They’re like you’re an actor just puke wtf do we have to explain everything to you?????? But eventually they concede, he takes some ipecac, barfs, and doesn’t die. Ivy was fluttering around him all a tizzy over this incident. A part of me is like, why didn’t they just leave Ivy and Tunstell alone here to sort out some shit? But I mean, Ivy seems salty enough to allow him to be in horrible pain. If they weren’t careful she was going to pull a fake eggplant off of her ugly hat and suffocate him with it.

LeFoux gets fed up with all of Ivy’s tittering so she gives her a bit of Cognac. She takes what are described as two nips. So I was picturing itty-bitty sips, and Ivy immediately becomes blitz out of her fucking mind. I’m not exaggerating, 2 sentences after the nips, she’s staggering in zig-zags. She bumps into doors, spills drinks, and giggles like a mad woman. I haven’t had cognac before but like….REALLY? To me, they might as well have written, “Ivy was within 15 feet of an alcoholic beverage, so she’s sloshed. She starts laugh-crying while singing Danny Boy incoherently and trying to give Tunstell a handy under the table…but it wasn’t Tunstell it was just an empty chair. Which was actually lucky for Tunstell cause at this point she couldn’t do more than just play bloody knuckles with his nut-sack anyway.”

But anyway Ivy and Tunstell retire to their rooms and Alexia and LeFoux go to have a chat on the deck. Alexia is like, “Why would anybody want to poison Tunstell it makes no sense!” To which LeFoux, with more patience than I could ever muster, points out Tunstell ate HER meal. Alexia has a moment before she’s like, “Oh yeah, people are always trying to kill me.” LeFoux is a bit flummoxed that Alexia seems pretty chill and incurious about almost being murdered. Alexia continues this track of being an intellectual giant by asking LeFoux if she’s a spy or assassin out to get her.

She, of course denies it, by saying she could have easily killed her earlier cause gosh what a badass she is. But like what the hell Alexia!? All you did was alert LeFoux to your distrust of her. What were you hoping is going to happen by asking that question? Denying it is hardly going to prove one way or the other, were you hoping you’d get,

“Yes! KER-STAB! U DEAD!”

Yet it’s almost as if her wish came true because a mysterious figure shoves Alexia off the deck, to meet her doom splattered on the English Countryside.

NO this isn’t where the chapter ends. Here we are 4 pages in and we have a much better cliff-hanger than TUNSTELL DUN BE POISONED!

Unluckily for us Alexia’s descent is cut short because a random protuberance on the dirigible catches her dress and she hangs on for dear life while LeFoux fights for hers against the mysterious shoving assassin.

But just as you were getting caught up in the action, a port-hole opens near Alexia to reveal the still hammered Ivy. We have a very appropriate bit of comic relief where Ivy slurs out how extra it is of Alexia to be climbing around on the outside of the dirigible. Which, to be fair, I wouldn’t put it past her. But eventually LeFoux scares off the attacker and they rescue her. The attacker was wearing a mask so we CAN’T SAY who it could possibly be. I bet it’s Angelique.

However LeFoux goes back to Alexia’s room with her, and Alexia sees she got a scratch on her neck from the fight. So she takes off LeFoux’s cravat and cleans it up. It’s very intimate.

Gotta be honest, I am so here for the lesbian flirting. I think fewer people should be flirting with Alexia, but I hardly care at this point. I’m happy that this book isn’t afraid to throw a masc-presenting lesbian love interest. I mean, this is perhaps quite a low bar since modern romance novels don’t tend to be homophobic, but I appreciate a stronger inclusion regardless.

But as she’s doing so she spies a tattoo on her neck of that OCTOPUS SYMBOL! YANNO THE HYPOCRAS CLUB THAT TRIED TO KILL HER, HER HUSBAND, AND THE TOKEN GAY MAN LAST BOOK! OH NO! But Alexia pretends she didn’t see it. She asks LeFoux why she’s following her around. LeFoux is all like, “Oh GOSH I WISH I COULD TELL YOU BUT I CANNOT! I AM MYSTERIOUS!” I really hate this cop-out, and I particularly hate this one cause I can already taste it now…the reason she can’t tell Alexia is for a really dumb reason that would cause 0 damage if she told her right now. (Also going back and editing this after I finished the book, I was right. SHOCK!) It’s also kinda infuriating cause Alexia (rightly so for once) is like, “Just tell me!” To which LeFoux rolls her eyes and is like, “Oh you soulless are always so annoyingly logical.”

HEY LISTEN GIRL, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL HER ALL THE TIME, IT’S NOT FUCKING ~DISPASSIONATE~ OF HER TO BE DISTRUSTFUL FOR CHRISTS SAKES! UGH!

In order to appease Alexia’s outrageous line of questioning, LeFoux barfs out some totally unrelated backstory. She was an illegitimate child from a slutty dude who died soon after she was born. She was raised by her aunt. As a child she met a man who used to be gay lovers with her dad. TURNS OUT THAT RANDOM MAN IS ALEXIA’S FATHER! WOW! What does that have to do with her following Alexia around like a dog trying to hump her leg?

BEATS THE HELL OUT OF ME!

But Alexia is swayed with that and they part ways.

Say something nice Faps:

It’s getting even gayer up in here. Seriously Alexia, if you were seriously considering getting deep-dicked by Douche-canoe, douche canoe, of the dickwad douche canoes you better be considering this.

In particular I like the idea that Alexia’s father was openly bisexual. In part because she describes him as basically down for any person who wanted to fuck him. I am the kind of slutty stereotypical bisexual that relates to that. Also the more gay characters the better my friend.

I mean, I’m not super happy with the direction they continuously drag Ivy’s character but it’s at least it’s more of a personality. And I’ll take the comic relief, even if it isn’t good.

#changless #gormless #riffs #soulless #riffing

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callsignbaphomet · 5 years ago

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For the ABC OC Ask, randomly selected: C # 1-5, D # 1-5, F # 1-5, G # 1-5, I # 1-5, M # 1-5. It's a lot of questions, take your time & feel free to answer as few or as many as you want. :)

Ooh, no worries, I looooove lots of questions. Also sorry, wasn’t ignoring this. I’m a scatter brain with no sense of time management. Since a lot of these are repeated I’ll skip over them since they’ll be in the previous post. Also I’ll give the answer to whichever OC I think best fits the question.

C: Comfort1. how do they sit in a chair?Angelus sits horribly in any chair especially if he finds it uncomfortable since he’ll be twisting and turning every which way until he finds a comfortable enough position.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?For Jelani it’s a quiet day where his phone doesn’t ring and he can get up at whatever hour he wants though even if he tried he can’t really sleep past 8:30 and he can spend the rest of the day in the art room reading while his husband is drawing.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?For Angelus it’s totally steamed dumplings. Just had one shitty day once and was taken out to eat but he wasn’t feeling up to eating much but nibbled on a few and loved them instantly so from that moment on every time he sees steamed dumplings it’s like instant serotonin.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?Abigail? LokeLoke? JelaniJelani? LokeAngelus? GingerGinger? AngelusTrevor? LokeTre? TrevorLatoya? Abigail

D: Decoration2. how would they decorate their child’s room?So Fae is actually a graphic designer and in her spare time an interior designer so when she head her first baby, Leah, she went overboard with the latest trends but made it cute and neutral since she wanted it to be a surprise. Now with the triplets she wanted to know their gender for sure given the fact that she was dealing with triplets. Again went with the latest trends turned cute but she stuck to neutral designs anyway.

3. how do they decorate their own room?Ginger and Abigail have a bit of a gothic theme to their whole apartment but their room is especially heavily themed. The rest of the place is subtle but not their room. We’re talking Victorian goth, black silk sheets, dim lighting, dark reds and deep purples and lots of black.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?Okay so for a while now I’ve been sketching and writing Angelus as a cross dresser and idk I think it fits him well plus he’s super into cute things. Any kind of skirts though he heavily prefers short and really short skirts, especially loves heeled boots, thigh high socks, baggy sweaters or any cute tops really. He mostly sticks to soft and pastel colors. Men’s clothes he’ll go with darker colors.

Accessories? He’s really into bows, flowers and really subtle bracelets, necklaces and earrings. No, he isn’t trans, he’s very cis. He just likes to cross dress and no, he isn’t doing it as a way to mock trans people he just really likes how he looks and feels while wearing women’s and girl’s clothes.5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?Going with Angelus again, yeah he loves that stuff especially makeup. He’s gathered a pretty big collection of it over time gotten dozens of nail polish of all kinds of colors, and has a ton of makeup. He’d wear acrylic nails but 1) he’s super clumsy and 2) I’m not so sure it’s a good idea for a werewolf to do that.

F: Fun1. what do they do for fun?Most of them just really enjoy getting together, ordering a few large pizzas or just buying a bunch of tacos and bring a bunch of beer and soda and spend a few hours playing video games. Bringing their own consoles to have more people playing and if they feel silly enough probably stream it for friends who couldn’t come over to watch. If they don’t feel like going to one apartment they stay in their own and meet up online on whatever game they wanna play at the moment.3. who would they have the most fun with?Honestly a lot of them have known each other for literal centuries and have grown close and sometimes intimate so really they all just have a lot of fun together.4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?They can but Loke and Jelani are constantly holding the group back from making any idiot mistakes. Unless it’s to defend one of them they’re pretty chill when out.5. do they go out a lot?Not that often really. With the job sometimes they’re out for weeks and even months and when they finally have some down time they’re too tired to do much of anything else. They do go out though but just not when they’re on call.

G: Gorgeous1. what is their most attractive external feature?Jelani? Everything!2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?Abigail’s ability to always be encouraging and her bubbly personality just triples that.3. what benefits come with being their friend?Jelani: spoils friends and family every chance he gets, is always just one text or call away no matter if it’s an emergency or for fun, and is faithful to the end. 5. what parts of others do they envy?So out of all Angelus has the lowest self-esteem and he just thinks the worst of himself. He wishes he was as good a person as Loke is or as talented as Ginger or as confident as Jelani. Not just personality wise, he genuinely believes he’s some ugly monster that needs to be hidden (was raised to believe that and unfortunately stuck). He just wishes he wasn’t him on bad days but he’s been working on all of that and has done really well to the point where he doesn’t feel that way about himself all the time.

I: In-the-closet1. what is their sexuality?Angelus: gayJelani: pansexualAbigail: lesbianLoke: bisexual (demisexual)Latoya: pansexualTrevor: pansexual (aromentic)Ginger: bisexualAlly: ace/aroSanaa: queerIngvarr: bisexualJørgen: queerMason: gayTre: straightLeah: bisexualAnette: lesbian2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?Well, shit a bunch of them have at one point or another. Some took a little to settle their feelings while some took long years to realize certain things about themselves.3. have they ever questioned their gender?Asher did for long years though he wasn’t sure of what was actually happening and why he was so confused over a lot of things. Wasn’t until much later that he finally figured himself out.4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?Angelus’s abusers, if they ever found out, would just use it as another reason to hate him even more though I won’t really touch up on that. They’re just incredibly hateful and abusive people.

M: Maternal1. would they want a daughter or a son?Loke wouldn’t care especially considering that they may end up being trans. He just wants one or two at the most.2. how many children do they want?Angelus wants none. He doesn’t hate kids or anything like that, he’s pretty good with them, really soft spoken and patient with kids. When Jela babysits his cousins he goes with him and helps out especially since it’s a teenager and three 7 year-olds. He’s just scared to death that he’ll end up abandoning them like his parents abandoned him (when I mean I abandoned I mean sold him) or worse that he’ll be like his abusers and he wouldn’t want any child to go through what he went through. Luckily his husband doesn’t want kids either.

As for Jax they’re Angelus and Jelani’s hypothetical child. Just something I wanted to have fun with. A Maker and a werewolf end up making a demigod hellhound btw!. Would this change in the future? Hell if I know, man. Maybe, maybe not.4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?Trevor eventually ends up becoming a single father, accidentally but nonetheless he was super happy about it and will be a pretty great dad. He ends up having a son which he named Damien and had it been a girl he woulda named her Rosemary. If it wasn’t obvious Trevor is a huge horror nerd.5. would they adopt?Ginger and Abigail have talked about it a lot and since neither can have a kid (vampires in my setting can’t procreate, they’re very undead) they’ve decided to adopt but not yet. Not till they feel like they can be fully prepared.

#lordfenric #reply #legion tag #oc things

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